Panty & Stocking with Strawberry - パンティ&とストッキングwithイチゴ
by Sir Attlich
Summary: ACTION! DRAMA! ROMANCE! Everything in one package in this goddamn epic crossover where the Strawberry, alongside 2 Bitchy Angels, a Horny Dog and a Pedophile Black Priest, is kicking ass and taking names...whilst trying to preserve his virginity from the said Priest. Will Ichigo become the new Vatican Pope, or will he finally get laid?
1. PROlogue

Welp, here goes nothing...

 **DISCLAIMER:** _Bleach_ and _Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt_ are property of their respective authors - I only own this story.

With that being said, let's jump right in, my prepubescent boys and girls!

* * *

"Big bro! Breakfast is ready and waiting!"

The cheery voice of Yuzu Kurosaki echoed throughout the Kurosaki household, as the now-reformed Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo got up from his bed and quickly changed into his everyday clothes.

It was a beginning of a seemingly quiet Saturday - which was great for Ichigo, since now he had the time to exercise his powers that were returned to him not long ago. The painful memory of the Xcution's betrayal still lingered in his mind, but soon enough - it will become just an unpleasant thing of the past. One of many.

After the final confrontation with Aizen 2 years ago, the eldest Kurosaki child was never the same. The feeling of helplessness is something he was new to when he lost his powers. Of course, he did it for the greater good - to save everybody.

It was a good consolation prize - the feeling of accomplishment...at the moment.

The back stab he got from Kugo Ginjo was something he would've never expected, considering he put a lot of trust to the man who understood his situation, and who ultimately gave him a second chance to become strong again.

 _'No more self-pity, dammit.'_ Ichigo thought as he looked at himself in the mirror, and shortly after went downstairs.

Of course, even with all the bullshit they put him through, Ichigo was grateful for Seiretei...well, at least to some members of it. They were a godsend when Ichigo yelled at the former Xcution leader to return his powers that Kugo stole from him.

He didn't believe his eyes at first when he saw all of the Shinigami Captains, alongside some of the Lieutenants, reached out to him. After all, as they explained later on, Soul Society as a whole where indebted to the Substitute Shinigami.

 _'And the debt is paid in full.'_ Ichigo thought as he greeted his sisters, and slowly prepared himself for...

"I-CHI-GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGH!"

As the unspoken ritual demands, Isshin Kurosaki always ambushed his only son every morning. And as for the question why - let's say it did had satisfying results.

Of course, the Goatee failed with his flying kick surprise as Ichigo merely sidestepped a little, just enough to grab his _beloved_ dad by both the leg and arm, afterwards slamming him on the wooden floor.

"Dammit dad, when are you going to quit it!" Ichigo yelled, irritated by his father's antiques.

"When I see fit! Your reflexes are getting better and better, but I still believe in room for improvement!" Isshin said with a goofy smile on his face, to which Ichigo merely let out a 'tch'.

"Dad! One day you are going to put a scratch on the floor by doing that!" Yuzu protested.

"And the gag is getting pretty boring by now!" Karin added, to which Isshin let out a waterfall of tears, and proceeded to hug the hung up poster of his late wife.

"MASAKI! OUR CHILDREN ARE MEAN TO ME!" Isshin yelped.

"Jeez, when will you ever put that poster away?!" Ichigo commented as he sat down and began eating his meal.

 _ **4 AnD A hAlF MInUTeS LAtER**_

"Ah! I almost have forgotten! Kisuke said that it's imperative for you to visit him at his shop as quickly as you can! Which is about now!" Isshin said as he readied his white doctor coat.

" _*Sigh*_ Might as well get over it. Don't want an another blood-like stain in my room." Ichigo said as he grabbed his Shinigami Badge. Somehow, he had a strange feeling he's gonna need it.

Isshin would, of course, never admit to his son, but the message Kisuke sent that day when his son planned to rescue his friend made the ex-Shinigami fell on his ass of laughter. Strange enough, it was surprisingly easy to clean.

 _ **URAHARA SHOTEN FAST TRAVEL!**_

Luckily for Ichigo, Urahara showed up right in front of his humble little store in his usual shopkeeper outfit. And let's not forget the small paper fan he held on his hand. It is, after all, summertime.

"Kurosaki-san! It is always a pleasure to meet you!" Urahara said with his trademarked smile on his face.

"Cut the crap Hats'n'Clogs and get to the point - I don't have all day." Ichigo said. He always knew that the dubious shopkeeper was always planning something, and in most cases - it did not bode well for Ichigo.

"How rude! Today's youth has absolutely no respect! Ah well, what it is it is. Come in! I have something very important to say to you inside!" Kisuke said as he marched straight into his shop.

Ichigo took notice that the usually empty shop was somehow...emptier.

"Where are the others?"

"Went for the standard supply pickup, no need to worry! Now...as for the subject on hand." Urahara paused as both of them entered the living room of the shop.

Both of the Shinigami sat across each other on the pillows that surrounded the small table. The wooden table still looked like it never had a scratch, and the two empty cups that were on the table sat on the small cotton napkin, probably so that any nearby liquid that would somehow flow out of the cup wouldn't land on the wood.

"Would you like some tea and cookies?" Urahara asked as he pulled out a teapot seemingly out of nowhere.

"Ugh, no thanks. So, what do you need me to do?"

Urahara simply paused as he poured some of the tea into his cup. The boiled water mixed with aromatic leaves filled the cup, but not overfilled it. The shopkeeper put down the teapot outside the table, he spoke:

"Why, Kurosaki-san, it's not me that needs help. The Captain Commander received a rather peculiar request - the Church in Daten City is asking the Shinigami for help. All of the Captains came to a conclusion that you are the one who is most suited for this kind of mission." Urahara said as he opened his fan, concealing half of his face, while the other half was concealed by his hat. How the hell Urahara manages to see anything with that schtick?!

"The Church? As the Christian Church? Spill everything out, Hats'n'Clogs - if I'm going to do this, and it's a big IF, I want to know what's expecting me there."

Urahara merely chuckled at this.

"How perceptive of you, Kurosaki-san! Though, I must correct you - the Daten City Church is the one asking for help, not the Church as the whole. Anyway, Daten City, like Karakura, has a supernatural problem involving spirits, but the problem itself are not Hollows!" Urahara said, before continuing...

"You see, Daten City is unique as there wasn't a single Hollow that existed there! The problem is, however, Ghosts! Now, you may think that these are your regular spirits that died and are stuck on this plane of existence, but you would be quite wrong there! Ghosts in Daten City come to be when a human dies, whilst not being able to achieve their desired goal or simply died of an unlucky death. As such, these spirits are filled with all kinds of primal and negative emotions and exist in order to fulfill those needs, unlike Hollows, which their main goal is the consumption of souls."

"So they are kinda like spirits that didn't got their goals fulfilled or wishes granted, so they try to accomplish all that as a Ghost?" Ichigo asked.

"Exactly! Unusually smart of you, Kurosaki-san!" Urahara said, much to Ichigo's annoyance.

"But if that's so, how come I've never encountered them here in Karakura? Last time I checked, when Rukia was teaching me Shinigami basics, she never mentioned this type of spirits." Ichigo said.

"And that is where it gets interesting! You see, Daten City is actually a precipice between the World of Living, Heaven and Hell! Thus, the reason of the existence of Ghosts and lack of Hollows in Daten City!" Urahara said.

 _'That actually explains jack-shit about the Ghost thing...'_ Ichigo thought, as he asked the shopkeeper the next...

"Hold on - you mean 'Heaven' as in Soul Society? Shouldn't they be the same?" Ichigo asked.

"It's not - the Christian 'Heaven' is actually a part of Soul Society where the spirits of those who were pure and sinless reside - home of the Angels. You can think of Soul Society as somewhat a lower class Heaven." Kisuke stated.

Pure and sinless? Ichigo would bet that this Heaven isn't quite populated, now is it?

"Angels? Nobody ever mentioned that before!"

"Ah well, it's because it wasn't important to you Kurosaki-san! What would you actually do with that kind of information? Aizen was powerful and smart, but even he wouldn't be able to reach that Heaven. The residents honestly don't really care about the spirit world, as long as it doesn't affect them much." Kisuke said with a slightly serious tone in his voice.

 _'Sounds like they're a bunch of assholes.'_ Ichigo thought.

"Alright, how long am I going to be in this 'Daten City'. Actually, where the hell is it?"

"First question: not long; Second question: California, the United States of America."

"WHAT?!"

"Don't worry, Kurosaki-san. We've already solved all the problems with the school, as Kon will act on your behalf."

This is something that Ichigo really didn't need right now...The day just begun, and this crazy shopkeeper tells him that he got a mission from the Shinigamis and that the mission is on an ANOTHER GODDAMN CONTINENT?

"I know what you are thinking Kurosaki-san, and I do understand you completely. But YOU must understand that all of the Captains, even the Captain Commander himself, have put their trust in you. They believe that no one but YOU can do this task." Urahara said.

It was actually a white lie - the part where Captains believe in him, but hey - no harm, no foul, right?

"You always know what to say, eh? Oh screw it, might as well do this - don't wanna have the Soul Society on my back just because I wasn't acting like an errand boy. I just need to pack my bags and inform the others about the...situation." Ichigo sighed as he got up.

"No need! Everything you need has already been packed and I've taken the liberty of calling all of your friends and family! They will be waiting for you here in aproximately 30 minutes!" Urahara happily said as he stood up from the pillow and went to the supply room.

"Wait a minute - shouldn't I be bringing my own body with me?" Ichigo asked.

"Nope! Everybody in Daten City is quite spiritually aware, due to its unique location, so they will be able to see you in your Shinigami form. But no worries! You will still be able to wear your regular clothes. I've spent some time re-arranging the material of your clothes, and they are now 100% made of your own reishi. What it means is that you can put them on and off at will!" Urahara said with a thumbs up to Ichigo.

"Anything else I should know?"

"Well, we will be using a specialized Senkaimon to Daten City, so that you won't have to deal with the troubles of modern intercontinental transportation. Also, you will meet two Angels that are currently working with the Church there. Sisters, as I can remember. Your contact there will be Garterbelt, the local priest in Daten City, who will wait for your arrival." Urahara said.

 **MEANWHILE, IN DATEN CITY**

"Chuck, chuck, chu-chuck, c-fuck, chuck, chuck, CHUCK!"

As the lighting came down on the seemingly innocent-looking green zombie-like dog covered in zippers that goes by the name Chuck(obviously), a wall hatch opened near the struck down creature, revealing a large Afro-American man in priest clothing holding a small hammer. Said man also had a huge, towering afro to begin with.

As he struck down the hammer on Chuck's head, the dog spat out a paper message that had two letters on them - W.C.

The proceeding alarm that was going around the massive church was so loud, it could make a hardcore dubstep fan who wears headphones all the time temporary deaf.

As Garterbelt arrived at the church nave, three persons came crashing down from the ceiling and fall right in front of the black priest...and on Chuck's head.

"Good morning, Panty." Garterbelt spoke, a sharp look on his face.

"See ya later." Panty saluted to the naked postman leaving her side, to which the postman replied with 'any time'.

"Good morning, Stocking." Garterbelt spoke again, with the same sharp look still adorning his face.

"Morning...Morning sugar..." Stocking said as she began to eat her first meal of the day - a slice of delicious cake.

Yup, quite healthy.

Garterbelt stood as he watched the two angels - the blonde one on the verge of falling asleep, while the goth one eating her cake of the day.

"We have been blessed with another hint from the heavens above. Stand!" Garterbelt ordered (it wasn't very effective, of course), as he removed the same piece of paper that literally came out from Chuck.

Still, no reaction whatsoever.

He pulled the seemingly-out-of-nowhere rope, and a big white screen emerged from the ground that started showing pictures.

"As of the late, there have been several cases of humans being eaten by toilets! Humans are most vulnerable when they're engaged in excretion. It is an evil and dastardly deed like no other! It must be the work of Ghosts!" Garterbelt said, with the graphic presentation of pictures that showed people dying by toilets finished.

Of course, all that fell to deaf ears.

"You gotta love morning wood." Panty said with a finger pointing to her sister.

"You really have no standards, do you?" Stocking replied.

"It's crazy good. Three spins and half a twist when you wake up..."

"I'm more interested in sugar."

"What about protein?"

"Depends."

"It's good for you. Ain't that right, Garter?"

"Hell would I know!" Garter said, with spit coming from his mouth.

"Listen to me! If you obscene angels don't want to be dropped, your only choice is to collect Heaven Coins by defeating those accursed Ghosts on the surface!" Garter said as he presented to both the angel sisters a frame that contained 3 Heaven Coins...far less than it should be.

"You are not here to collect men or sugar! Get that through your heads!" Garter added, to which the playful Chuck farted in the direction of both Panty and Stocking...to which the sisters started to play a violent game of couch volleyball with their feet. The ball, of course, being Chuck.

After the short-lived animal abuse, both of the sisters kicked chuck towards the white screen. His intestines, brain, blood and...other bodily fluids splattered as he hit the screen full force.

After a short pause, followed by the regenerated Chuck who started to droll everywhere, Stocking spoke...

"We know."

"Fuck it, let's roll." Panty added as the sisters changed their clothes in 5 screen framerates.

And to that, the sisters went to their pink Humvee - the See Through, as they started their chase after the Ghost.

 _ **34 sEcoNds LaTer...**_

"Be careful out there big bro!" Yuzu said.

"Don't worry, he can take care of anything! Right bro?" Karin added with a small smirk.

Ichigo could only smile to this. Everyone came to the shop - his family, friends from school, comrades, and even Shinigami from Soul Society!

"Be careful out there, Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime yellped.

"See you later, Ichigo." Chad spoke, with a thumbs up.

"Just try not to get into trouble this time." Uryuu said as he readjusted his glasses.

"ICHIGOOO, DON'T LEAVE US! PLEAS-" Keigo was about to cry, but was unable as Tatsuki punched him straight on top of his head.

"If need be Ichigo, kick some ass!" Tatsuki said with a fighter's smile.

"Best of luck to you, Ichigo." Mizuiro added.

Ichigo could only smile at this - at least all of his friends are there, supporting him. They've done it before, and he knows that they will do it even now.

"Ichigo! Do not lose your head! Remember that we are always there to help!" Rukia spoke, with quite the determination and sincerity.

"Don't forget to call when you arrive!" Isshin yelped, to which Ichigo only noded.

As Ichigo was about to go through the Senkaimon, a voice stopped him.

"Easy to forget me, eh Carrot-Top?"

"Never, Pineapple-Head." Ichigo said, to which something unexpectedly happened right after his response.

Renji bearhugged him.

And it made Ichigo feel quite awkward.

After Renji let loose, he said to him.

"Seriously, if you need ANYTHING, never hesitate to call, okay?" Renji said.

"Uh, okay. Bye everybody!"

The Senkaimon closed as Ichigo went through it. After that, Rukia approached her fellow Lieutenant.

"What was that all about?" Rukia asked.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Renji said, as he started to remember the recent event that was clouding his mind.

 _ **BERRYALLENBACK**!_

 _Shortly after the Captain's meeting regarding helping Daten City, Renji joined his Squad Captain, Byakuya Kuchiki, on the return trip to their barracks._

 _"Captain, I must speak to you!" Renji said with a respectful bow towards the noble._

 _"Speak, Vice-Captain Abarai."_

 _"Captain, we have been to Daten City before, and we have been to the church. I've seen some things that cannot be...unseen, that involved that... insane priest. Why have you explicitly recommended the Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo to the mission?" Renji asked. He owed Ichigo quite a lot, and seeing him with that Afro weirdo...he didn't wish that kind of fate to anyone._

 _Except Aizen._

 _A pregnant pause ensued between both of the Shinigami, until Byakuya spoke..._

 _"Perhaps Kurosaki will now learn to be more respectful towards his superiors now."_

 ** _BERRYALLENBACK END!_**

"Let's just say...your brother is scary when he holds a grudge." Renji spoke.

* * *

"DAMN YOU HATS'N'CLOGS!"

One time, just one time - Ichigo would hope that he didn't had to go through the Senkaimon-induced free fall.

The whole syndicate of Senkaimons, if such thing ever existed in the first place, probably hated him for some god-forsaken reason that he couldn't answer even if it killed him.

I mean, this is probably the only bad thing that happened to him today.

Right?

* * *

 **AN: Well, that was super duper fun! Now, if only some reviews, favorites and follows would appear out of internet's rectum, I'd be very happy.**

 **This will be updated on a daily basis, so strap on!**

 **Also, check my OKCupid profile - PumpStud69.**

 **\\[T]/**


	2. Berry Strawberry

**DISCLAIMER:** Bleach and PSG are the properties of their respective authors...

Goddamn Gainax...

As for the reviewers...

 **Halphas Greed:** Thank you - I try.

 **Anemone Iris Sidera:** Eh, I do try to avoid OOC-ness as much as possible. So - Thank you.

Second chapter of this shitfic begins - NOW!

* * *

"Yoruichi-san! You weren't present to greet Ichigo at his departure!" Kisuke said.

"Nice observation there, Kisuke." The Flash Goddess replied in a joking manner, before she added:

"Didn't had to. My guess is that Ichigo would be running to home after a couple of days. After all, you do realize that Ichigo is going to work with HIM..."

Kisuke simply... shuddered.

"We agreed to never speak of THAT again." Urahara said, pulling his green-striped hat slightly. One can get into very awkward situations when someone misinterprets a person's actions for something completely different.

Let's just stick with that for now.

 _ **DATEN SHITTY CHURCH KINEMATIC JUMP!**_

"You are the Shinigami that has been sent to help us, correct?" Garterbelt spoke.

"Substitute Shinigami technically, but yeah. Here to help. Name's Kurosaki Ichigo." The orange-haired teen replied.

" _'He who protects'_? Let's pray that you live up to that name, and not be as half as useless as those two bitchy Angels!" Garterbelt spoke.

Ichigo wasn't sure to feel grateful, since the crazy priest was one of the rare people who didn't associate his name to a particular fruit, or irritated - cuz Garterbelt was clearly underestimating him.

"Hn, you bet that I'm gonna wreck those Ghosts of yours, Afro!" Ichigo replied, to which Garterbelt only gave him a, what it look like, promising look.

 _'I can see already that he's gonna be quite fine! Those Shinigami sure know how to pick their men!'_ Garter thought. But he was still a disciplined priest. Business first, pleasure later.

"Your shit has already been unpacked at your room, which is on the second floor, at the door with the number 15 on it! Since those Angels haven't returned yet, I suggest you get comfortable - this is gonna be your base for some time!" the priest spoke.

"And how much time would be that exactly?"

"Heck do I know! So sit tight, wait, unpack your stuff and do some of that Shinigami shit that you Shinigami usually do!"

Ichigo could only scowl at that, as he left the Church nave and went upstairs towards his room. He thought that this day couldn't get any better...

Until he found a green dog who has enthusiastically humping the doorknob of his room. Much to Ichigo's disgust.

"Oi, stupid dog! The hell are you doing?!" Ichigo yelled.

"Chuck? chuck, fuck"

The Kurosaki could only pinch the bridge of his nose, as he stood there listening to the uncharacteristic sounds of a seemingly retarded zombie-dog.

And were those zippers in the place of his ears?

So, the eldest Kurosaki child used his weapon that still served him well when he still was a normal high-schooler and pointed it at the dog.

"Stop that before I kick your ass to Soul Society!"

Intimidation was one of Ichigo's best friends when these kinds of situations came to be.

"CHUCK!"

The dog, whose name was probably Chuck (as Ichigo concluded), jumped from the doorknob and started running in the opposite direction.

Now, the good thing about the Shinigami uniform is that, when blood and dirt aren't involved, it isn't easy for it to get dirty. However, in this case, Ichigo didn't want to test that, so he used his foot as the means to turn the doorknob and open the door.

The room itself was pretty plain and simple. White walls without any decorations where the main characteristic here, but the floor was made out of lacquered brown wood that had a... carpet with the sign that represented, if Ichigo was correct, the 6th Shinigami Division.

 _'So, someone from Byakuya's division was here before me...'_ Ichigo thought.

The room also had a large white wooden wardrobe and a small paper lamp on the bedside table.

Speaking of the bed, it was...white, and a king size - enough room for 3, maybe even 4 people, for some unknown reason.

 _' **Probably for those romantic nights with some good-looking girls, eh King?** '_

Ichigo could fell iritated as he tried to shut up the white look-alike of himself that currently resided inside his head.

Speaking of which, Ichigo could only find quite the displeasure when he found out that _'white'_ Zangetsu was still there. Ichigo thought that, with the return of only his Shinigami powers, that he won't have to deal with his other self ever again.

 _' **Trust me, you ain't getting rid of me that easily, heh. Gotta admit, I do like the white of the room.** '_

 _'Of course you would.'_ Ichigo responded as he started folding his clothes into the wardrobe.

30 minutes later, and the Shinigami finds himself that he's still doing this.

How much stuff did Urahara put here?!

...

This is gonna take some time.

 _ **OnE eTernity LatEr...**_

"Guess he got lucky." Panty said.

"But he wasn't the one." Stocking replied.

"He was the one. A really good one."

"Your tastes are fucked up, sister."

"You are the one who's fucked up. Buzz off."

"Shut the hell up, you dirty bitches! Start doing your damn job! Oh dammit all! Let's have dinner!" Garterbelt yelled, to which he smacked down Chuck on the head.

"Oi, Ichigo! Get your Shinigami ass over here!" Garterbelt added.

"I'm coming Afro! Stop bitching!" A voice upstairs was heard.

"Oh, who's that?" Panty asked curiously.

"Because you two fuck around all the time, I had to call a Shinigami for help! Luckily for you he could give a rat's ass about Heaven Coins. Perhaps he will do the job better than you!" The Black Priest said.

"A Shinigami, eh? Is he cute?" Panty asked, lust already showing on her face.

"Is he also a baker too?" Stocking said, imagining the various possibilities involving sugar.

"See for yourself, you wenches!" Garterbelt snarked, at the same time as the Substitute Shinigami arrived, dressed in his usual civilian clothing.

"So, you are the Angel sisters? Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo, nice to meet you." Ichigo said in a calmed polite fashion.

 _'Wow, he is quite a looker. Probably is ripped too, if those arms indicate anything. Can't wait to try him out.'_ Panty thought as she licked her lips.

Stocking, of course had her own opinion.

 _'Hm, he looks nice... for starters. Those eyes of his tell that he had his fair share of fights. At least someone with experience is here.'_

"Hi there, Panty is the name! Say, after dinner...wanna go on a ride in my room? Or yours, whatever." Panty asked, which made Ichigo slightly more uncomfortable and awkward. Panty leaning on the Shinigami didn't help.

As if the meaning behind the innuendo wasn't obvious enough.

However, Ichigo was, as Yoruichi would always tease and joke on his expense, pretty old fashioned when it came to women.

Not that he could be anything else, since he basically had no experience in that field.

"I...think I'll pass." Ichigo said, with an unsure look on his face. Panty was disappointed, but not surprised.

"You're one of those, egh...might as well stop wasting my time with you." The blonde Anarchy sister said.

"At least he has some standards." The goth sister said to that, to which Panty could only glare at her.

"Uh, thanks?" Ichigo replied.

 _ **AFTER DINNER...**_

The dinner itself, that consisted of some tar-like stuff (which to Ichigo's shock was actually curry), salads and a few crackers was, much to Ichigo's surprise (since he doubted that the tar-like curry was edible), really good.

Not Yuzu-level good, but good enough that he wouldn't mind eating the black curry again.

"That was good." Panty said.

"Garter, your curry was amazing!" Stocking added.

"You sure know how to make a curry there, Afro!" Ichigo remarked, to which Garterbel laughed in pride.

"My curry's good shit. Good black shit." The priest said, to which Ichigo chocked a little bit at the racial comment.

The Substitute Shinigami respected those who weren't afraid to speak their minds out without any fear...

But some things should be left unsaid... for the sake of other's well-being.

"What's for desert? What's for desert? Cacao? Cocoa? Chocolate? Sweet black beans? Black honey?" Stocking listed.

Another comment that made Ichigo fell a little awkward, even though others were completely fine with alluding Garterbelt's potential cooking just of his skin color.

"Who cares? I'm off to the little girl's room" Panty said as she went upstairs towards the bathroom.

"The crapper's gonna eat you." Stocking said, after proceeding to have a conversation to Chuck about what sweets she would eat.

"As if!" Panty said.

"Wait, what? How the hell is a toilet going to eat her?" Ichigo asked, dumbfounded by Stocking's sentence.

"There is a Ghost in town that kills people that sit on the toilet who engage in excretion!" Garterbelt said, to which Ichigo got a little bit worried for Panty's life.

Being murdered on the toilet seat while defecating isn't exactly the best way to go...or memorable, for that matter. Although there still were worse possible ways...

As Ichigo went upstairs towards the bathroom door, he could hear the splash of water and sounds of struggle.

"Hey! Stocking! Stocking! Stocking!" Panty screamed.

"Shut up Panty! Keep it down! God, it serves you right! Hope you shit out all your organs in there!" Stocking answer was followed with a small evil laugh, to which Ichigo's face gotten a little pale from the goth girl's response. Seriously, who treats their sister like this?!

 _ **'Boy, these two must have a healthy relationship, now do they?'**_ Zangetsu smirked.

Ichigo bursted the bathroom door, only to find Panty's feet sticking out of the toilet.

As much as it was funny (or in Ichigo's case - quite disguisting), the Shinigami didn't hesitate and grabbed Panty's legs so that he can yank her out of... whatever it had a grip on her.

Unfortunately, Ichigo severely underestimated the things strength, as it managed to pull both Panty AND Ichigo into the toilet.

 _ **SCENE CHANGE!**_

"Oh, seems that the Shinigami actually went to help Panty. Oh well, his funeral." Stocking said as she continued eating her cake.

 _ **SCENE CHANGE 2#!**_

Ichigo and Panty were shot up on the air as the torrent of shit started jumping up from the toilet like a geysir standing upon an active volcano. The shitstream was so strong that it breached the bathroom door and started flowing on the floor like a natural river of an untouched ecosystem that brimmed with life and fresh atmosphere.

Two figures - one short and one tall, one female and one male, one Angel and one Shinigami, appeared from the bathroom all covered in shit like snowmen. Shitmen?

...Ryan Dunn?

But they did have one thing in common.

The killing intent they emanated was quite _intense_.

"I've got it...I've got it." Panty said, to which Garterbelt and Stocking arrived at the scene.

"Got what?" Garterbelt asked, as he was polishing a plate.

"What's with all the curry?" Stocking asked as she was eating her cake.

But when the smell hit them...

"IT STINKS!" Both of them yelled as they started puking.

"I get it all now..." Panty said as she tried to remain as calm as possible.

Unlike the other victim of the toilet.

"I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL THE PIECE OF SHIT THAT DID THIS, EVEN IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO, GODDAMIT!" Ichigo yelled.

 _ **Later...**_

Everything went to shit.

Quite literally.

Heh, liter.

The police that arrived at the scene tried to subdue the shit-formed Ghost in front of them, but where quickly overpowered by the amount of crap it released, and the smell that made every normal human being puke their dinners.

"What's with all the shit?!"

"We don't stand a chance!"

"Oh Reverend! What's going on?" An elderly police sergeant asked Garterbelt, who quickly arrived at the scene.

"This is the work of evil spirits, Ghosts! A plumber died after being suffocated by the stench from a clogged up pipe. He turned into an evil spirit, it's heart set on drowning the city in shit!" Garter explained, while expertly dodging the incoming vomit from the police officers.

"What are we supposed to do? We humans don't stand a chance against this thing! I guess all we can do is pray!"

"God is not on Earth; Angels and Shinigami sent from above! Show his glory! Panty! Stocking! Ichigo!" Garterbelt said in a theatrical fashion as the trio stepped up.

Unlike Panty, Ichigo was all cleaned up and changed into his new Shinigami uniform. How?

The upgraded Shinigami Badge makes quick work of such things as a sudden change of clothes. Courtesy of Kisuke Urahara.

"What? You mean that hoebag that is covered in shit?" Civilian 1# said.

"And the goth with the stupidly long hair?" Civilian 2# added.

"Not to mention the orange-haired kid who's name is literally strawberry?" Civilian 3# finished.

Boy oh boy, he would wish he didn't.

Ichigo turned around his head towards Civilian 3#, his look already telling 'I'm-about-to-murder-someone'.

"AH! SCARY!" Civilian 3# said as they ran towards their house.

As the two Angels+Shinigami stood in front of the monster, the tension began to rise up.

 _ **'Wow, a literal piece of shit. Just...wow.'**_ Zangetsu thought.

"Let's do this, Stocki...hey!" Panty got interrupted as Ichigo went in front of her.

"Time to die, you shitty Ghost! Getsuga Tenshou!" Ichigo exclaimed as he swung Zangetsu, the crescent-shaped reiatsu shooting from the blade. Both of the Angels were quite impressed by the sheer power this Shinigami actually had...

Unfortunately, all that didn't mean shit as the attack barely fazed the monster.

 _'What?! It should've cleaved it in half!'_ Ichigo thought.

 **"Was that supposed to tickle me?"** The ghost said, as he turned himself towards Ichigo and the Angels.

"Oi, boy! Let us show you how it's done!" Panty said as both her and Stocking went in front of Ichigo.

 _ **PLAY PSG OST: Fly Away**_

A little light blue halo appeared on top of both the Angel sisters, and as they swiped it down, their clothes changed quite much - similiar when Ichigo enters in his Bankai form.

 _'Eh, might see how they do the action'_ Ichigo thought. And his statement came true.

Although not exactly the way he wanted.

The sisters started a seductive dance while dancing on the stripper poles that somehow appeared behind them.

Everybody was amazed...except Ichigo, who tried to remain his composure as hard as he could.

 _ **'Well, this is something you don't get to see everyday.'**_ Zangetsu commented. Luckily for him, and unluckily for Ichigo - that will be an everyday occurence.

Both Panty and Stocking were quite into the dance act...

 _'I sure hope THAT isn't mandatory...'_ Ichigo thought.

Out of nowhere, a voice spoke. The voice itself was peculiar, as it seemed to overlap both Panty and Stocking's voices at the same time...

"O wicked spirit born of a lost soul in limbo; receive judgment from the garb of the Holy Virgin..."

To which Panty started pulling her underwear down, while Stocking started to remove her socks.

 _'WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING?!'_ Ichigo internally screamed, his face almost as red as a tomato.

 _ **'Heh, Holy Virgin my ass.'**_ Zangetsu spoke, as he started to laugh his fit.

"Cleansed of worldly impurities; return to Heaven and Earth."

If somebody told him a pair of Angels have the power to turn their underwear and socks into weapons, Ichigo would say that they are either drunk, high or clinically insane. Ichigo didn't drink and has never done drugs in his life, so he feared that he might be the latter.

"Repent!"

Panty's weapon was revealed to be a light-blue pistol...that had a pink bowtie at the barrel. Panty only had to shot once for the Ghosts head to have a large hole in the center.

Stocking's weapon was shown to be a light-blue katana that kinda looked like Ichigo's Tensa Zangetsu. It only took Stocking a several slashes to finish off the large Ghost, as it last words spoke...

 **"Shit!"**

Before it exploded into million pieces.

The whole crowd went wild - the monster that made their lives crappy was finally gone.

Ichigo noticed something shiny on the ground. As Garterbelt picked it up, the Shinigami could see what that actually was.

"Good work girls. You've made solid progress." Garter spoke.

"Only one Heaven?" Panty said.

"Heaven?" Ichigo asked.

"Heaven Coins. We need them if we ever want to get back to Heaven. Pretty much useless to Shinigami - like you." Stocking said, while Ichigo only frowned at the goth's remark. The Substitute was about to say something with the matter...

 **GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON**

"The evil spirit has departed! It has made it's peace! The bell tolls to signal its passing!" Garter said.

"Phew, that's finally over." Panty said as she cracked her neck a few times.

"Alright Strawberry, since you were useless there - you have to buy me a dessert. I'm already placing the order." Stocking said.

"My name doesn't mean strawberry! And I never agreed to buy you anything!" Ichigo responded.

"My desert is over here." Panty said as she was dragging one lucky police officer by his hand.

After he finished the conversation with the sergeant, Garterbelt joined the return party.

"You shall be punished when we return." Garter said, which made Ichigo flinch.

"How? Chains?" Stocking asked, which made Ichigo flinch even more.

"That would be boring." Garter answered.

"I'm busy, so piss off." Panty remarked.

"Don't crowd me with her! Also, what the hell was that? My attack didn't even do a thing to that Ghost!" Ichigo said.

"Maybe you are all bark and no bite, Shinigami." Stocking said.

"Why you..."

"Hm, several Shinigami before you had a similar problem, and I think I know what you need. It will take some time, so try not to get killed until I find the required artifact."

There may yet be hope for the Substitute Shinigami.

* * *

 **AN: Yep, I'll be doing the chapters per half an episode. And as it may seem of the start - no, they will not be copy-pasted episodes of the PSG series. I'll try my best to make everyone happy here. If you are not - THEN WHAT THE FK ARE YOU DOING HERE?! GET YOUR HATER ASS SOMEWHERE ELSE!**

 **I hope you have a wonderful weekend filled with joy, laughter, happiness and osteoporosis.**

 **\\[T]/**


	3. Hot Summer!

**DISCLAIMER:** Bleach and PSG belong to their respective authors, I only own this junk I'm currently writing.

Wow, much feedback, such pleasure.

 **Halphas Greed:** Thank you for your criticism and your open mind, and while I do appreciate the beta offer - I won't be needing it for this particular fanfic. I'll say one thing tho - this story is NOT to be taken seriously, since...well, cmon - who takes PSG seriously?! And this piece of work is meant to be crack-ish. Also, your curiosity will be sated...but not in this chapter. Also, I know one of the reasons why you took interest in the story, huehuehuheuhe.

 **Guest 1#:** Well you see, the thing about Ghosts is that they...wait, the fuck am I doing? SIT TIGHT AND WAIT, READER!

 **Isaiahsj2(Guest){Chapter2}:** Appreciating that you love the chapter, however - LEARN, TO, ADD, COMMAS.

 **cloud666(Guest):** I take the virgin souls of the haters. AND I ABSORB THEM ALL BY DRINKING THEM WITH A STRAW! Criticism is appreciated, tho.

 **Isaiahsj2(Guest){Chapter1}:** Penny and stalking? Never heard of. Is that a new anime or what?

 **White Iris Sidera:** Of course! We're speaking about Ichigo, who is a complete opposite of the definition of pervert. Maybe that could be added in the Urban dictionary...As for the rest - no comment.

 **Charles(Guest):** Of course I will!

 **G. I. PEAR (Guest):** Somebody finally gets me! And the answer for your question - Gainax style, ofc.

 **treyalexander63917:** First, thank you - I try my hardest. Second, there will be pairings, but it's a little too soon in the story for me to tell you right away. Third, that will happen at the very end of the story - that's all what you will get for now.

Let's get this over with...

* * *

"For fucks sake, where is Panty when we need her the most?!"

Ichigo wasn't prone to have normal mornings, the guilty party being his dad Isshin Kurosaki who constantly, by Ichigo's opinion, pestered him with his daily surprise attacks to hone his son's reaction skill. Funny thing is - it produced a lot of results in the upcoming battles Ichigo participated in.

So having a normal morning for once made Ichigo a little bit cautious as to what would happen for the rest of the day. Surely, something would eventually happen, now would it?

The thing is - being in a car chase isn't as thrilling as in all of those movies.

Especially when you are the chaser, while the chased one is a sports car possessed by a psychotic Ghost who pretty much doesn't give a damn for the obstacles on his way, be people, cars or the police.

It also happens that the said Ghost was actually a deceased professional racer who never got a chance to ride full speed.

The army of police vehicles and the hovering news helicopter didn't made things any easier whatsoever.

"I just called her! She better not be late!" Stocking replied to Ichigo's remark.

Now, the first idea was to line up See Through so that Ichigo could nail the Ghost with a straight Getsuga Tensho...until realization struck that the said attack wouldn't have much effect, and would probably damage the road they are driving on, possibly endangering lives of the policemen.

 **"Outta the way! I'll run over anyone who's in my way! HA HA HA HA! Nobody can catch me!"**

Not to mention the Ghost was annoyingly cocky.

"You're not getting away!" Stocking said as she tried to bump See Through on the Ghost.

"Line him up so I can hit him with Zangetsu!" Ichigo yelled.

"Right!"

 **"You wanna race, kitty cat and bleach boy? Bring it!"** The Ghost said as he bumped into the Angel and Shinigami.

"This is my natural hair color, goddamit!" Ichigo said as he started rapidly hitting the Ghost on the head with his sword. It didn't produce the wanted results, but it still hurt a bit.

 **"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"** The Ghost yelled. He decided that it wasn't going to take any more punishment from the bleached kid, so he picked up the pace and drove a bit faster. Both of the cars ended up driving through a shopping mall, where the chaos stampeded through the hallways of the conveniently abandoned mall.

 **"C'mon! Pick up the pace!"** The Ghost mocked, but the distraction bought enough time for Panty(who came crashing down the glass roof) to bump into him.

"Hi, I'm Panty! Where are you headed in such a hurry?" Panty asked the Ghost while driving the Harley Davidson motorbike that she 'borrowed' from the guy she was spending some time in the infamous Immoral hotel.

 **"Who cares where I'm going, bitch?! I just have this desire to go really fast!"** The Ghost responded.

 _ **'Huh, so he's like that Kenpachi nutjob with a speed fetish.'**_ Zangetsu thought.

"Yeah, whatever. I can understand your need to reach a climax" Panty said.

 _ **'Hmm, now that I think about it - does Eyepatch get's off every time he's in a fight?'**_ Zangetsu asked internally, to which Ichigo could only pinch the bridge of his nose for that comment. Mentally, of course.

"Panty, you're late! You took your time getting here!" Stocking said.

 **"What? You're together?"**

"Yeah, yeah. You're so impatient, Stocking." Panty responded, to which she started removing her underwear.

'Ugh, not this again.' Ichigo thought as he tried to cover his eyes from the...view.

 **"Woah! Nice one, bitchy angel!"** The Ghost said as he pinned down the now armed Panty on the wall, while Stocking tried to avoid the upcoming civilians that came out of nowhere.

Both of them exited the mall through the main door and caught up on Panty, who was covered in children's toys.

"Hahahahaha! That's what you get for showing up late!" Stocking said.

"Oi, where are...is your gun?" Ichigo asked.

"Shit! Backless is gone!" Panty said, to which the trio looked forward and saw Panty's underwear... on the Ghost's head.

'Geez, that must be very inconvinient.' Ichigo thought.

 **"What the hell is this?!"** The Ghost screamed as he tried to shake off the stuck underwear.

"That's my gun! I mean, my panties!" Panty said nervously with her finger pointing at the Ghost-possessed sports car.

 **"Shit! I can't see a thing! I feel so damn fast!"**

The Ghost proceeded to remove the panties from his head by...licking them.

"That is very unhygienic...and wrong in so many ways." Ichigo deadpanned.

 _ **'Ya know, for once I agree with you.'**_ Zangetsu remarked.

"Not to mention that those ARE Panty's..." Stocking agreed, with a sly smirk.

"Kill that motherfucker!" Panty yelled.

"You're finally ready to get on with it?" Stocking asked.

"Give me the wheel! Move, Berry Boy!" Panty said as she jumped from the motorcycle to the front seat of See Through.

"For fuck's sake, I already told you..." Ichigo was stopped mid sentence when Panty switched gears on the humvee, the force hitting Ichigo and gluing him to the backseat.

"Go See Through, go!" Panty yelled as the car chase continued.

The army of police cars that were behind See Through went full speed and caught up the Ghost, and with that - a hail of bullets came down raining on the possessed car.

"Hey! Get off of my target!" Panty yelled.

Unfortunately, all the bullets the DCPD were wasting seemed to just bounce of the Ghost.

 **"That ain't gonna work!"** The Ghost replied as he spun himself and hit the police car behind him. The domino effect kicked in as the spun police vehicle just started hitting all of their colleagues behind them, turning the car chase into a vehicular spin fiesta...which then proceeded to start a massive explosion on vehicles.

 _ **'Have to admit, the Ghost has some skills.'**_ Zangetsu remarked.

Ichigo could give two shits about that, as his main concern was currently the aftermath of the car explosion, as a whole lot of police vehicles came crashing down See Through.

"Oh shit, can't evade this!" Panty said as she currently faced a flying car heading right in front of them. Ichigo immediately took notice, and with a slam of the cloth wrapped Zangetsu, the trio was unharmed.

"Well, at least you're able to do that." Stocking said.

"Sure you're not compensating for something. eh?" Panty joked, to which Ichigo frowned at both of them, a scowl forming on his face.

"You're welcome." Ichigo said, and the car chase continued.

"Wait, what the fuck is the police doing?" Ichigo asked.

The situation at hand was that the police barricaded the part of the bridge, but somehow it turned out to become an overkill crash party - with the Ghost in the center.

Turns out to be very effective, as the hump of police cars succeeded in squishing the Ghost so strong that the only thing left of the possessed car was the head of the Ghost.

Which conveniently fell right in front of the Angels and the Shinigami.

Ichigo wasted no time and stomped the Ghosts neck. He would go for the head, but then again - hearing Panty bitching about him dirtying her underwear is something that he would never add on his '100 things to do before death' list.

Shit, he would never add that to ANY list.

"You live fast, you die fast." Panty commented.

"You can say that again." Ichigo said, facing both of the sisters.

"Repent!" The goth added. As Stocking materialized her sword in order to finish of the Ghost, she was stopped by Panty, who had one more thing to do with the said spirit.

"Wait, first I have to take my..." Panty got interrupted by a screaming Ichigo.

Why was he screaming, you ask?

"GET OFF, YOU DUMB SPEED-LOVING SHIT!" Ichigo yelled as he tried to shake off the Ghost that was biting his foot, and had no intention on letting go.

"Hold still, Berry Boy! Heh, Berry Boy...Anyway, hold still!" Panty said as she tried to aim with a shotgun she picked up nearby at the Ghost lodged on Ichigo's foot.

"POINT THAT THING SOMEWHERE ELSE, YOU ARE NOT BLOWING MY LEG OFF!" Ichigo angrily yelled as he stomped his foot that was currently the chew toy for the Ghost.

The force of the impact made the latched Ghost fly into the air...and off of the bridge.

"Wow, nice going there Ichigo." Stocking sarcastically said.

"Oh shut up you..."

 **"Fuckers smashed me up good!"**

The trio turned and saw that the Ghost possessed a heavy truck, and was just smashing through the line of cars that got stuck in traffic.

"Now that I think about, it's your fault too, Panty." Stocking said.

"If you weren't so careless with your weapon, we might've ended this shit immediately!" Ichigo remarked.

"Says the guy who kicked the Ghost off the goddamn bridge. Ah screw it, let's just kill him. Promise me that you won't shred my panties." Panty said, as she quickly gathered a butload...

Heh, anal sex reference.

A butload of guns and jumped off the bridge to land opposite of the now possessed truck, while Ichigo and Stocking went back into the See Through.

"So, what's the plan?" Ichigo asked.

"The plan is to go straight at the Ghost. That sword of yours couldn't hurt the it, but can it hurt the possessed host? By that I mean the truck." Stocking asked, to which Ichigo fashioned a cocky smirk.

"Only one way to find out."

 _ **IS THE CITY I LIVE IN, THE CITY OF ANGELS...**_

 **"Check this out punks!"**

The Ghost-possessed truck was hitting and bashing off civilian and police cars like it was nothing.

Truth to be told, it IS a heavy-weight truck that currently was a host to the supernatural. Logically.

 **"This shit's heavy! Heavy! Why is this body so heavy?!"**

"Wait up! I'll help you lighten your load!"

Panty, now armed to the bone...

Bone, you know, as in - boner. Get it?

I'M FUNNY!

LAUGH YOU FUCKING PSYCHOPATHS!

Anyway, Panty started shooting the Ghost, and in a John Woo style, jumped on the top of the truck in the desperate attempt to cripple the truck enough so that she could get her underwear.

 _ **UNDER THE BRIDGE DOWNTOWN, I GAVE MY LIFE AWAY, YEAH YEAH YEAH, OH NO, NO, NO, YEAH YEAH...**_

"Ready Ichigo? I think I see him." Stocking said.

"Yeah, let's do this. GodDAMN is this a stupid plan." Ichigo remarked.

"Well, there were worse..."

Both the Shinigami and the Angel stood on the hood of See Through as they readied their swords for the imminent vehicular slaughter, the only victim being a vehicle. Stocking was the one who was in front, while Ichigo was stationed behind and a little bit on her left side.

The approaching Ghost, with Panty on top, took notice at this.

 **"What? Playing chicken with my speed-crazy ass? You both got balls, kitty cat! Bleach boy!"** The Ghost said as he sped up towards the See Through.

The tension rose as Stocking slowly readied Stripe I for the upcoming attack, while Ichigo just casually unwrapped Zangetsu from the bandages and lift it up in the air, as he would've sometimes do when unleashing his signature Getsuga Tenshou. But of course, the zanpakuto attack wouldn't have any effect whatsoever on the Ghost itself, so the Shinigami had only one option, and it was crucial to do it in the right moment.

Fortunately for both of the sisters, the main character of the story had a lot of battle experience, mostly of fighting Hollows, Shinigami, Arrancars, Sinners and Guards of Hell, his own (and other's) Zanpakuto spirit(s)...and a manipulative megalomaniac. Of course, the Angels don't know about this, simply because they couldn't care less at the moment.

As soon as they were close enough, Chuck turned the humvee at the side in the right moment, to which it was a signal for Stocking and Ichigo to act.

Ichigo vertically slashed Zangetsu at the connection part of the truck's head and the cargo it was carrying, separating them from each other, while Stocking horizontally stricken the whole truck - essentially cutting it in half. The end result was the whole truck going sky up and flying off to some place, crashing in the process.

"Okay. Grab the coin and we can go home" Stocking said.

"You didn't destroy my panties, right? Those were expensive!" Panty asked, while being glued on a windshield of the news helicopter - to which Ichigo could only blush in embarrassment.

"Hell if I know." Stocking replied.

 _ **'Heh, those guys in the helicopter sure feel like today's their lucky day, eh?'**_ Zangetsu said.

'Pervert.' Ichigo replied.

 _ **'But King, I still AM you. So if you say that I'm a pervert, that automatically means that you are one too!'**_

'Do me a favor, and shut the fuck up.'

The white version could only laugh at the whole situation.

"Oi, shouldn't the bell ring every time we kill a Ghost?" Ichigo asked.

"Now that you mention it, I don't hear it. Where is it?" Stocking said.

And she got the answer to her question as the tenacious Ghost, who was currently in the possession of a freaking train, appeared right between them.

 **"It's not over yet! I can still do this!"** The Ghost said as he transformed himself into a blacker, ghostly variant of the train.

"You sure are one though bastard." Ichigo remarked.

"Round 3?" Stocking commented.

"Going three times without pulling once? Not bad at all." Panty commented, which made Ichigo blush a little at the remark.

"I was sure I got him with that hit." Stocking said.

"If I learned anything from my experiences - always be sure they are down for good." Ichigo said.

"Guess we need Backless to finish the job! Hey, chase that train down if you want to see my panties!" Panty ordered the crew of the helicopter...and fired a warning shot at them should they not comply.

'Geez, and people thought I am the delinquent.' Ichigo thought.

 _ **'Hey, at least she gets on the point and doesn't fuck around much.'**_ Zangetsu said.

'...'

 _ **'I swear that it wasn't even intentional!'**_

Stocking, seeing that they were falling behind, managed to drive in reverse and somehow land on top of the train. At the same moment, Panty let go off the helicopter and landed on the Ghost's head, near her weapon. Unfortunately, the Ghost was enjoying the thrill so much that he had to make a few adjustments to the vehicle.

Mainly put some turbo rocket engines.

Let me rephrase that - a LOT of turbo rocket engines.

 **"Feels so good! Yeah, YEAH, FUCK YEAH! THAT'S THE GOOD STUFF!"** The Ghost screamed as he went with such a high speed that it could put all of TGV's and Bullet trains to eternal shame.

Of course, this didn't spell very well for our heroes, as they all flew backwards from the combined force of speed and velocity. Ichigo, currently in the See Through, managed to stop the imminent take off the car by stabbing Zangetsu directly in the train to provide a support crutch so they don't fly off the train, with Stocking going full speed with See Through, Chuck, who's mouth got somehow stuck at the train antenna, and Panty, who was holding Chuck for her dear life.

'Holy shit, this frigin Ghost could give Yoruichi a run for her money!' Ichigo thought as his face was getting distorted by the sheer speed of the train.

But during that moment, our friendly neighborhood nymphomaniac had an epiphany. And she was inclined to share it with her pet.

"Chuck, I just realized something. I don't need a man with stamina or speed. I want elasticity!" Panty said, to which Chuck got very, VERY worried for Panty's next course of action.

The next course of action being, of course, using Chuck as an elastic slingshot, and after that, she managed to grab her panties and land straight on the train's windshield.

 **"Oh shit..."**

"It's been fun. But...REPENT!"

After shooting him a few time, the Ghost was finally purified.

 **"Th-Thank you!"**

Were the Ghost's last words as his head exploded into millions of pieces, while the rest of his body got disfigured by the sudden loss of momentum and turned into a bizarre half pretzel-half star...that landed directly on the news helicopter.

 **GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON**

"Did you grab any coins?" Panty asked.

"Three Heavens."Stocking replied.

"Cheap-assess."

"You really seemed to be enjoying yourself."

"Technique really is more important than speed. Anyway, I can't really wear these anymore." Panty said as she showed her overstretched underwear...which the cat toy that Stocking had started to lick, much to Ichigo's disgust.

'What have I gotten myself into...' Ichigo deadpanned.

 **'The time of your life, I bet.'** Zangetsu said with a cocky smirk.

* * *

 **AN: Third goddamn chapter finally done. Quick FYI, if you haven't watched the Hell Verse Bleach movie - do it NOW, since the contents of the movie WILL BE INSERTED IN THE STORY. Also, thank you for the reviews, the follows, the favorites and everything in between - it really helps me to sooth my mind. Also, if you are interested in me particularly, check out my profile, and please - don't be afraid to PM me once in a while, because deep down, I am actually a really nice guy.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **Just kidding, I'm still an asshole and veganism with its vegans is fucking universe-level stupid. They can go fuck themselves since, let's be honest - it was scientifically proven that the brain of our species has started to evolve once we started to eat cooked and prepared meat. Here is a thought.**

 **Also, we know what are they doing with animals in slaughterhouses - I'm not retarded enough to think that a magical wizard uses his want do create meat out of nowhere. The whole fucking world is built around the natural philosophy of 'eat or be eaten'.**

 **I should probably stop right now before I turn this into a rant.**

 **Have a nice day!**

 **\\[T]/**


	4. Payback

16 reviews, 34 favorites and 38 follows and the one question I need to ask all of you is...

...

...

...

Why?

 **G. I. PEAE(Guest):** Thank you for your opinion. And no, your proposal for the title change has been denied. I made the title like this for a reason.

 **fdsadsaw:** Welp, there will be some mentioning of the Hell Verse. As for his Hell Armor - you'll have to wait and see...

 **cloud502(Guest):** Shame - you will be missed.

 **Guest 1#:** Hey bud, so here is the deal - I'm the writer here, and you can't just try to rush me up on the explanation of Ichigo's current situation. If I want to, I can make the Strawberry be goddamn useless the entire PSG series. I could, and I wouldn't give a rat's ass about it.

But I wont. Simply because it won't amuse me.

Also let's be honest - no one, and I mean NO ONE likes to be on the other side of the barrel. Same case is for Ichigo. Tho, there was that scene where Renji pretended to be a cop...

Screw it, I call creative freedom on that - deal with it.

 **Halphas Greed:** Patience brings rewards, or I think that's what Ghandi once said...Anyway, this chapter is the one that solves Ichigo's problem of being dead weight! Also, thank you for your continuous support, I really appreciate it!

 **jcollet2000:** Can't say much about that subject - you'll just have to wait and see

 **Super heavy weapons guy:** I know, right? By the way, how is Sasha doing?

 **ARSLOTHES:** No comment.

 **DISCLAIMER:** Bleach and PSG are the property of their respective owner Aizen Sos...wait, the fuck am I saying?

* * *

 _ **Ichigo's Inner World**_

"Guys, the idea of not being able to hurt those Ghosts is irritating me! I've encountered Hollows far more dangerous and powerful, and yet - my powers seem to have no effect whatsoever."

The Substitute Shinigami, standing on the side of the reversed skyscraper, was currently facing the residents of his inner world, both the white Zangetsu and the old man Zangetsu.

 _ **"King, I'll be honest with ya - when you pulled of that Getsuga at the toilet thing, I immediately sensed that something was very fucking weird with them. It was like,..."**_

 _"Like the Getsuga Tenshou vanished completely on impact, but left no residual reiatsu in its wake."_ Old man Zangetsu finished.

 _ **"That's what I was trying to say! Anyway, I got a clearer picture myself when you were constantly stabbing me in that speed lover. The blade didn't went through, but not for the most obvious reasons. Since I hate explaining things, the old man here will take from here."**_

 _"Ichigo, do you remember your first encounter with Zaraki Kenpachi?"_

"Still do. Shit, I honestly thought that the guy was just gonna crush me with that immense...reiatsu..." Ichigo stopped at that and thought for a moment.

 _"But that isn't the case with Ghosts here. Their reiatsu is quite average, and I must say that it can be defined as sub-normal. The most plausible conclusion would be that the Ghost spiritual structure is constructed in such a way that it erases any trace of 'normal' reiatsu."_

"So, you are telling me that I can't hurt those bastards just because our 'spirit structures' aren't the same?"

 _"My advice is to speak with Kisuke Urahara on the matter. Perhaps he can shed more light on your current situation."_

Ichigo hated to admit, but the shopkeeper always had an explanation from a scientific view for pretty much anything.

 _"Until we meet again, Ichigo."_

 _ **"King, don't slouch or I might get some ideas, hehe"**_

"Like you could ever put them into motion, idiot." were Ichigo's final words as he woke up.

 _ **REAL LIFE - YOU KNOW, SOMETHING THAT MOST WEEBS DON'T HAVE...**_

"Oi, berry boy - I've been trying to tell you that your frigin phone is ringing non-stop."

Panty was one thing that Ichigo really didn't want to face first in his room. Speaking of which...

"Why are you here?" Ichigo asked.

"Trying to take pictures of you topless of course. Guessed that they would sell really, really well." Panty answered with a camera in her hands. Fortunately for Ichigo, he was still in his regular clothes.

"I wanna make a phone call, so piss of now! And stop using that nickname!"

"Geez, no wonder you are still a virgin...Berry Boy." Panty said with a tongue sticking from her mouth, followed by slamming the door shut.

Ichigo's vein looked like it's gonna burst any moment out of annoyance.

 _ **'The broad is right King - nobody will think about getting on with you with that kind of attitude.'**_ Zangetsu said.

'Since when did you became a date expert?!'

Ichigo took the mobile phone from the bed table and proceeded to dial a certain blonde sadist...

"Heeeeeellooo! Urahara Shoten, what can we do for you?" The cheery voice of Kisuke Urahara sang from the mobile.

"Quit with that crap Hats'n'Clogs. I need help." Ichigo responded.

"I presume its about the problem with Ghosts?" Urahara's tone got a little bit serious, which usually means that he would share plot-revealing information.

"You see Kurosaki-kun, the non-hollowed spirits that reside in the World of Living are called Pluses, and with that you will always have spirits that cannot leave the World of Living due to their regrets, uncompleted goals and unfulfilled wishes. Usually they are called the Jibakurei, and they are more prone to becoming Hollow, the reason being the emotions that produce a wast amount of negative energy."

"However, the case in Daten City is quite unique, as, due to it's location as the precipice between Heaven and Hell, and the massive fluctuation of reiatsu that has been going on in that city for quite some time is one of the reason why Hollows do not exist there. This unusual fluctuation is mainly the consequence of the close distance between the two Realms, and the reason of the existence of the beings we Shinigami call Minus, or what they call in Daten City - Ghosts."

"The Minus in Daten City are a lot more malign and produce a whole lot more negative energy, to which point they actually gain the characteristic only known to the Shinigami - the Reiatsu Vents, that help us control the flow of the energy that is within us. But the Vents in the Ghosts are that much complex that, if there was a clash between a Shinigami and a Ghost - none of them could hurt the other, because they nullify each other."

"So, you are saying to me that now I can't hurt Ghosts, and Ghosts can't hurt me?" Ichigo asked.

"Precisely! The only method that a Shinigami can harm a Ghost is to wear a Blessed Angelic Artifact, that can grant the power that Angels use in the extermination of Ghosts. Of course, this throws the nullifying capabilities of both of the Reiatsu's, which means..."

"That if I were to wear one of those, Ghosts can harm me too, I get it."

"Alright! Is there anything more that you need?" Urahara chirped.

"No, the whole science lecture was enough. Say hi to Yoruichi and the others." Ichigo said.

"Certainly! Best wishes!" to which Urahara hung up.

'Well, Afro did say that he was going to look into my problem. Gonna have to remind him of that, but first - I gotta sleep.' Ichigo thought as he locked the door and fell right into the bed.

THE NEXT DAY...

Ichigo, unlike some Angel sisters, always woke up on time and didn't require certain waking methods, like dropping of the ceiling while still being in bed. Garterbelt, being the disciplined mentor he is, praised him for that, and after finishing his breakfast, the priest called for the Shinigami.

"Ichigo! In my hands is an ancient artifact that helped past Shinigami to combat the wicked evil spirits that are Ghosts!" Garterbelt said, his hands behind his back and a posture that could rival any third world country dictat... I mean leader.

"Behold! The necklace of Saint Cyprian! With this holy artifact, you now have the power to cap Ghosts!" Garterbelt said as he offered the necklace, which was rolled tightly in his hand.

The 'artifact' was a two-barred white cross with golden outlines to it. The chain of the necklace was white in color, and warm to touch.

The Substitute Shinigami took the necklace and looked at it a bit, with epic suspension music in the background (played by Chuck), before placing it on his neck, and then...

...

..

.

"I don't feel any different." Ichigo scowled.

"Of course you shouldn't have! What were you expecting? A transformation?! Kids these days! Now, I believe our client will arrive any time soon, which means that those bitches need to be woken up soon!" Garterbelt responded, while unknowingly annoying Ichigo. This is going to be a long day...

 _ **DATEN CITY HIGH SCHOOL MUS- shit, wrong crossover...**_

Ichigo always liked when two completely opposite chores he needed to do somehow fuse themselves into one chore. He was informed, prior to his trip to Daten City, that he got enrolled in the high school there as a transfer student, so that he doesn't miss a single school day. After all, education IS very important - unlike his father, who thought that grades mean shit in the real world.

So imagine the Substitute's Shinigami's joy when the principal of Daten City High appeared in the Church asking for help with a problem in his school that might have supernatural origin, or as the principal would put it - 'The work of the Devil'.

Of course, missing students aren't the reason of one's joy (except if you are a sadistic sociopath), but Ichigo always thought that life is easier when you are given an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.

Gartebelts orders to the Angels were to infiltrate the school and not to attract any kind of unnecessary attention to themselves.

Busting a school wall with See Through is something that is CERTAINLY going to attract some attention.

"I thought I said that you should park the car outside, NOT INSIDE THE SCHOOL YOU IDIOT!" Ichigo yelled.

"Panty, do you understand what the term 'infiltrate' means?" Stocking asked.

"Relax, you two are always tense!" Panty responded, as she opened the door of the car, proceeding with unfolding a long red carpet from the said car.

The crowd of students gathered around them, already questioning who are the new kids that just thrashed the hallway.

"Who are they?"

"Rich kids and their bodyguard!"

"Goddesses and their preacher!"

The last one made Ichigo to do a death stare towards the male student body, to which all the boys winced.

"SCARY!"

"We're angels..." Panty responded as the trio walked on the red carpet, with camera's flashing on them.

"Man, there isn't a whole lotta difference between schools down here and in Heaven." Panty added.

"How would you know? You barely went to class." Stocking responded.

"Well, a girl like me ain't gonna suit the cheap panties known as school." Panty said.

"Obviously, since it reflects to your tastes in _everything_." Ichigo added, a little bit insulted by Panty's ignorant remark for education. Panty was about to say something, but at the last moment she was interrupted by her sister.

"Nice one Ichigo. Anyway, let's make this quick then." Stocking said as she opened the map of the entire high school facility, but before they were able to conduct the plan of search, a large gasp got the Angels and the Shinigami's attention.

The crowd dispersed on the side to show a panicked student who was screaming for his dear life. When he got closer, it showed that the running student was actually covered in...bees.

"I already found someone suspicious." Panty said.

"Quite suspicious indeed!" Stocking added.

'That looks...quite painful.' Ichigo thought.

 _ **'Hey King, get this - NOT THE BEES, ARGHH, THEY'RE IN MY EYES!'**_ Zangetsu said as he started to laugh maniacally, to which Ichigo just ignored his Hollow self and his attempts at amusing himself.

'Well, since nobody gives a damn about how these two are actually angels, adding to the count that Panty just pulled her gun out, not to mention that I'm in my spirit form - might as well do something about this.' Ichigo thought.

As the potential suspect was approaching them, Panty took a few shots at the guy, who appeared to be a boy that was holding what it looked like a honeycomb, close to Ichigo's age, with ginger hair and freckles. His hair falls over his forehead, thus covering the boys eyes.

The rest of the bees were shoved away by Ichigo's small burst of spiritual pressure, that both Panty and Stocking felt.

The boy managed to trip on an invisible crack on the floor and fell right in front of the trio.

"Tch, fucking kid!" Stocking said.

 _ **'Someone's got an attitude.'**_ Zangetsu commented.

Upon raising his head on the floor, the boy took sight at, by his opinion, the most beautiful girl he has ever seen in his entire life.

"Hm? What's this?" Panty asked as she looked at the honeycomb, kicking it at the next moment, and by the laws of the universe - it fell on the ginger boys head, who immediately started to run left and right...

"Eek, it's a scary beehive monster! Gross!" Panty 'screamed'.

"We'll turn him as the Ghost of the beehive." Stocking added.

...until Ichigo pulled the honeycomb from his head.

"Oi, what's your problem?" Ichigo asked both the sisters, with a scowl on his face.

"Nothing, it's just that I don't really give a shit." Panty responded.

Ichigo was about to start a heated argument before remembering what Urahara said in the first chapter. Angels don't really care about anyone, unless it affects them directly.

"Sorry there, forgot that you're both assholes." Ichigo remarked, earning disapproving glares from both sisters.

"Oh Brief. Where were you planning on taking those little bees that I left in your _care_?" A feminine voice boomed behind the trio (+ the ginger kid), and was it a sight to be seen...

Well, it wasn't that impressive actually - it was just a stereotypical blonde pretty girl that sat on a chair, which was supported by a bunch of cheerleaders, who were also supported by a squad of masked football players.

"It's the Queen! Barby!" Someone of the crowd yelled.

The ginger kid got very nervous and started doing the dogeza in front of the blonde.

"I'm-I'm sorry, really sorry! But it wasn't me!" The kid said.

"Nah, it was him." Panty said as she pointed her finger towards Ichigo, whose vein was very close to popping out of anger.

"Hm...I'll let you off just this time because of the looks. Let me be clear - I don't care at all if you are transfer students, you will not last long in this school if you defy my will." Barby exclaimed with an 'I'm-better-than-you' arm posture.

"And where is it written that you are the top bitch here?" Ichigo asked with a strong scowl on his face, to which some of the students gasped.

"Doesn't this school belong to that joke of a principal?" Stocking said with an impassive face.

"Why you little...Huh, in name only. In reality it belongs to me, Queen Barby. Understood?" Barby said, to which some of the students started chanting her name. Panty could only yawn, while Zangetsu was laughing like a maniac.

Ichigo approached the downed ginger kid and offered him a hand.

"Kurosaki Ichigo. What's your name?"

"Uh-uh, Briefers Rock. B-but you can call me Brief! T-thanks there!" Brief stuttered.

 _ **'Oh for the love of everything, he is even worse than Orihime...'**_ Zangetsu commented.

"Oi, berry boy, Stocking. Let's ditch this idiot with a name of an outdated doll." Panty said.

"Can't believe I'm saying this, but I'll agree to that. You coming, Brief?" Ichigo asked, to which the ginger just nervously nodded. And while the now formed four-man gang passed by Barby, Panty stomped the beehive without a care in the world, earning the ire of the already pissed Queen.

While they were going on their way, they could hear the Queen saying...

"You're gonna pay for insulting me, mark my words..."

"Yeah yeah, sure. If somebody gave me a Yen for every time I heard that..." Ichigo commented as they were proceeding to class.

 _ **MONTAGE MOMENT!**_

 _ **PLAY:**_ **PSG OST: D-City Rock, TeddyLoid ft. Debra Zeer**

Queen Barby did of course her best to topple the new arrivals at her school by doing various things to appease the student body, such as...

Well, it was mostly showing off her glamour.

Which was outshined by both the Anarchy sisters and the Kurosaki boy.

While the sisters(well, mostly Panty, since Stocking couldn't give a shit about popularity) were getting the attention of the jocks and the regular girls by doing their feats such as being able to use their sex appeal and mad handy skills, Kurosaki Ichigo got his fanbase in the high school that consisted of the pretty girls, due to his good looks and the 'bad boy' vibe they've been getting(as much as it annoyed the heck out of Ichigo), and the combined forces of geeks and nerds, mostly because, unlike the sisters, he actually cared about having good grades, and was always glad to help for a school-related subject.

He was also loved by the geeks and nerds since he would always make quick work of bullies and idiots who would pick on those who were weaker than them. To the victims of the bullies he was called the _'True Protector'_ , while Ichigo's victims often called him the _'Orange Devil'_ or the _'Face Corrector'_. He actually kinda chuckled at the last one, since he did had a habit of punching people in their face when provoked.

Ichigo won't forget the shocked faces of the boy army(who called themselves _'The Protected'_ , since the boys there were the only ones who figured out the true meaning of the Shinigami's name) he unwillingly got when he told them that he never needed a girl in his life, due to him being asked for dating advice.

But he also made sure that they'd understand that just because he never had a girlfriend DID NOT mean that he swings...his sword the other way.

Brief found a friend in Ichigo, and the two got along quite fine...even if Ichigo did question Brief's 'undying' love(which almost bordered on obsession) for Panty. But hey, who is he to stop a guy in love from trying?

Speaking of the more gentle sex, Ichigo was disturbed as he was informed by Brief that he got a female stalker group that is dedicated to taking ANY KINDS of photos of him. He heard also that some girls were willing to kill in order to get a picture of him topless.

 _ **'King, ya lucky bastard! If you weren't such a prude, you'd be changing girls like clothes left'n'right!'**_ Zangetsu said.

Ichigo ignored his Hollow self and was proceeded with meeting with some nerds that were approaching him.

"Kurosaki-san! We successfully made the first prototype anti-stalker trinket for you!" One of the nerds spoke as he nudged his friend next to him.

"Here it is!"

Ichigo couldn't say if he was baffled or just plain confused, as before him was shown a figurine of himself in his student clothing.

'Whoa... They really did get into the details.' Ichigo thought.

"And we also have the bobble-head and the action version! Ready for mass production!"

"Anything for the Number One Guardian!"

"You...didn't had to do that guys. I mean, I appreciate it, but seriously - don't feel like you owe me or anything." Ichigo said.

"Nonsense! You are the reason why all of us are not afraid to go to school anymore! Your existence here saved a lot of our kind from the clutches of crippling depression and suicidal thoughts! For that, we are eternally grateful!" The nerd replied as he bowed in respect.

 _ **'Only in Daten City, eh?'**_ Zangetsu commented.

 _ **MONTAGE END!**_

Ichigo always was one who wanted to keep up a reputation, even if he constantly kept saying that he doesn't give two shits about anyone's opinions. But he did had to admit that the newfound popularity he got when he enrolled in Daten City High really did felt good. Of course, the army of nerds and geeks wasn't a thing he actually wanted, but they were useful in several occasions - mainly to distract creepy stalker girls from invading his privacy.

Now, being the prude he is, he wasn't exactly comfortable when he was in a sex-ed class.

Especially if the teacher is a man with...questionable teaching ethics.

"Remember, no sex while you're in school. Or else you'll die! No matter what position you use!" The teacher yelled.

"Ey ey, Stocking, isn't this little figurine of me cute?"

Luckily, the distraction from the teacher came in a form of two Angels, both who were minding their own business - Panty playing with the figurine, while Stocking looking up catalogs of sweets.

"You seem to be enjoying school. And no, Ichigo's looks better." Stocking said as she showed a pedestal figurine of Ichigo in a cool pose with his trademark scowl on his face.

'Well, gotta give it to the nerds - they sure do get all the things right.' Ichigo said.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Panty scoffed.

"Okay, I'm going to pass condoms around the room, one at the time." The teacher said as he threw condoms towards the students.

 _ **'Hey, you finally got some equipment King! Don't waste it!'**_ Zangetsu said as Ichigo grabbed the condom and just held it in his hands, not knowing what the actual hell was he supposed to do with it.

"Keep it, you're a boy - you might need it someday." Stocking deadpanned as she kept reading the catalog, while also making Ichigo blush like a tomato.

"W-W-WHAT?!"

Ichigo looked at the source of the voice to see a panicking Brief who was moving left and right while holding a lit up phone in his hands.

"God, you're loud." Panty said, her face covered in purple...gum?

"Oh, it's Geek Boy." Stocking said.

"Brief, calm down. What happened?" Ichigo asked.

"It's terrible! My buddies have been kidnapped!" Brief said as he showed the picture on his phone, revealing a trashed up locker filled with both Panty and Stocking's merchandise along with Ichigo's merchandise, red markers ruining the stuff inside the said locker.

 _ **SCENE TRANSPOSITION!**_

The trio, alongside Brief, were currently examining the destroyed locker.

"It's Ghosts! It must be the work of Ghosts!" Brief yelled, with Panty raising her eyebrow.

"Wait there, Geek Boy. How can you tell?" Panty asked.

"It may be hard to believe, but I'm the follower of the occult! Plus, my PKE Meter is going crazy!" Brief explained as he presented a metal backpack with a device attached to it.

"PKE as in...?" Ichigo asked.

"Psychokinetic Energy Meter! It's a machine that is suited to detect the presence of Ghosts! Let me show you!" Brief said as he pulled out the device and began his search by using the sound signals from the Meter, with the trio following his every footstep.

 _ **LaTEr...**_

The trio, alongside Brief, ended up in an abandoned football stadium, and they were still looking for the Ghost using nothing but Brief's 'trusty' equipment.

"Are we close Brief?" Ichigo asked.

"Geez, I knew that we shouldn't rely on Geek Boy. We just wasted our time for nothing with this bratWhy." Stocking commented, earning a glare from Ichigo.

"Strange...I know that it's here somewhere. Might it be...?" Brief started mumbling as he tried to see what was wrong with the PKE meter when all of the sudden - Panty kicked him in the butt.

"Man up, will you?!" Panty yelled, and in the next moment...

The PKE Meter went crazy.

"Hey, you're not completely useless after all." Panty said...before the Meter overheated and shut down completely.

"Why, if it isn't those slutty sisters and the bleached buffoon everybody has been talking about..." a feminine voice rang throughout the stadium.

"Alright, for the last time - this is my NATURAL HAIR COLOR. If I hear that again I'll...huh?" Ichigo stopped as he thought he recognized the voice.

One of the stadium reflectors was turned on...

Heh.

Turned on.

Fuck, no wonder I don't have a girlfriend.

Anyway, one of the stadium reflectors was turned on, and the light shone upon no one other than the once-popular Queen Barby.

Afterwards, the rest of the reflectors lit up the whole stadium, and showed that Barby was not alone - if an army of emotionless creepy cheerleaders who happened to all look the same, accompanied with several squads of buffed up football players whose faces were obscured by the helmets wasn't the proof.

"You again?" Panty said.

"We're busy right now." Stocking added.

"Guys... I believe that we're in for a fight here." Ichigo said, to which both of the sisters noted.

 _ **'Nice pointing that out, Captain Obvious!'**_ Zangetsu remarked.

"Oh my, it seems that you have a brain, contrary to my opinion. Let me show you what you really are up against!" Barby exclaimed as she jumped into the crowd of the football players, who accordingly responded with lifting her sky high.

While airborne, Barby's skin and clothes started to violently shred, and showed the all to familiar red and black color and Barby's true form.

'So she was the Ghost we've been looking for. Easier for me.' Ichigo thought as his clothes were, in a bright blue flash, replaced with his new Shinigami uniform.

"Brief, find somewhere to hide. Panty, Stocking - you take out the mob while I deal with the Ghost." Ichigo said.

"Y-Yes sir!" Brief nervously said as he jumped behind one of the stadium seats.

"You sure there, Berry Boy? Not gonna be useless as before?" Panty questioned.

"Crazy Afro gave me a necklace of some saint dude. Said that it should solve my... problem." Ichigo explained as he jumped towards Queen Barby. He stopped at couple of meters from her, whilst levitating in the air.

 **"Do you have a death wish, buffoon?"** Barby spoke as she transformed her abdomen into...a quite large number of rocket launcher. However, Ichigo remained calm at the face of danger.

"You've signed one when you showed who you really are!" Ichigo responded as she unsheathed Zangetsu from it's cloth wraps.

 **"Go forth, my babies!"** Barby said as she launched multiple bee-like rockets towards Ichigo.

But the rockets never reached it's mark, and the reason being the surge of pure white light emerging from the Shinigami.

After dealing with the brainwashed students, the Anarchy sisters looked towards the light, and boy oh boy...

Was it a sight to be seen.

 ** _PLAY:_ Bleach OST: Number One, Hazel Fernandes**

The color palettes of the Shinigami robes have switched from pitch black and plain white to pure white and golden yellow. The red wrap over his chest changed it's color to light-blue, and the tattoos he had also had a palette switch like his Shinigami outfit.

Zangetsu's black blade has changed into a neon light blue with a shiny white edge on it, while the cloth wrap was now white with light-blue outlines.

But the most shocking thing for the Angel sisters was the fact that Ichigo had...

Small white angelic wings.

And a fucking golden halo above him.

What.

The.

Actual.

FUCK?!

"Stocking...you see what I'm seeing?" Panty asked.

"Maybe...maybe I really should cut the sweets a little bit." Stocking said.

However much the Anarchy sisters were shocked, Ichigo's own mind was quite baffled by the new look he got.

'Old man! What the hell is this?!' Ichigo asked.

 _'Forgive me Ichigo, but now I do not have the answer to this. Perhaps I shall see when the conflict is over.'_ Old man Zangetsu spoke, reminding Ichigo that he was still in a fight with a potentially dangerous Ghost.

 **"W-What are you?! No, it does not matter! A simpleton is still a simpleton! When I'm finished with you, you shall bow before me, like the Queen I a..."**

Barby never got a chance to finish the sentence, as a massive surge of pressure flew by her...cutting her arm in the process.

What was even more shocking was the fact that Ichigo did not move from the spot, and the only action he did was swinging the massive cleaver at the Ghosts direction.

"So...much power." Panty exclaimed.

"W-What kind of attack was that?!" Stocking yelled.

Ichigo just put Zangetsu on his shoulder, his expression being the same as before - passive.

Like he's done this a thousand times before.

Which he did, mind you.

"That wasn't an attack. That was just the force resulted from my swing." Ichigo explained, still resting Zangetsu on his shoulder.

 **"The force of...IMPOSSIBLE! YOU! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!"** Barby yelled, but was confronted when Ichigo disappeared from her sight.

"I highly doubt that."

Barby could only turn behind to see the Shinigami with the massive blue cleaver...

And the said cleaver chopping her in half with such force that she dissipated into nothing.

 **GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON**

The Heaven Coins dropped from the sky to the ground, alongside the kidnapped nerds, only to be picked up by Panty.

The Heaven Coins were picked up, not the nerds.

Even Panty has standards, you know?

"Damn Shinigami, doing the work in our place. No wonder we got only 8 coins." Panty commented, while ignoring the happenings a few paragraphs ago.

Her sister, well... not so much.

As the Shinigami Shunpo-ed towards the sisters, Stocking immediately stood in front of Ichigo.

"That...was impressive display of skill, Ichigo." Stocking said.

"Thanks. That's what I'm here for, right?" Ichigo responded, the cocky smirk adorning his face.

"T-T-T-That was AMAZING! I never knew you were professional Ghost Hunters!" Brief said as he fanboy-ed like a western otaku when he watches a good anime.

"I-Ichigo, you were AWESOME! You were like-like standing in the air and-and chopped off that Ghost like i-it was nothing! I can't believe it! I'm gonna brag to everyone at the occult club!" Brief said while performing all kinds of erratic body movements.

"Wanna call it a night? I could use some grub back at home." Stocking asked.

"Sure, why not. What about Pa-" Ichigo stopped as he saw the blonde Angel already flirting with the WHOLE football team.

"You know what, never mind her. See you tomorrow Brief!" Ichigo said as he waved to the ginger kid, who finally snapped out from his...whatever the hell that is called.

"SEE YOU ICHIGO! GOODBYE STOCKING!" Brief yelled.

The night was filled with passionate, lusty moans of a certain blonde Angel.

Good thing that sex-ed class was today, eh?

* * *

 **AN: You wanted an awesome Ichigo moment - well, now you have it!**

 **Jesus fucking Christ, good thing I finally finished this shit, otherwise - the procrastination illness would've killed me.**

 **NOT TODAY BITCH!**

 **And before you ask, yes, I will cover EVERY EPISODE HALF OF THE PSG SERIES.**

 **Including the next one.**

 **Ye-he-he-heah boi, the next one is gonna be really fun to write.**

 **Have a nice day!**

 **\\[T]/**


	5. Demon Road

Oh joy...now I have to say this.

I've currently beat **Panty & Stocking with Shihakusho** AND **The Daten City Shinigami** in quality, and I'm currently on the way for beating them in quantity!

Yay!

But...now I need to beat the now-dead 1st fanfic above in popularity! So I urge you, fellow readers and perverts...

To post this piece of crap of a story on the Tv Tropes page of PSG or maybe even Bleach crossover fanfics! If you, or somebody else, would do that - I'd probably get a 4 day lasting raging boner just out of pure happiness.

So yeah, please - could someone put this story on the Tv Tropes pages. Whoever would do that - I'll add you as a honorary contributor, and your name will be added on future chapters.

Anyway, on with the reviews!

 **treyalexander63917:** Yes, yes it does. And no, because, let's be honest - nobody gives a flying fuck who or what Ichigo actually is...well, at the moment.

 **Guest#1:** The more you know...

 **Halphas Greed:** Well, it is just a color change with a halo and wings added. The explanation of the Ghosts was just a lucky convenience. As for the Quincy thing, I'll tell you right now that the Angels pretty much don't give a shit about them. If someone would say now in the story that Ichigo is the descendant of Moustachio, the Angels, precisely the Anarchy sisters won't care. Not because of the 'you are not him' cliche, but because it isn't their problem. Yet...

 **ZeroDragonFlame:** Damn, I'm honored that the great and powerful ZeroDragonFlame has came to grace my story with his presence...

 **ulquiorra. schiffer. 1291** : Bankai is remained to be seen...

 **Super heavy weapons guy:** I will.

 **G. I. PEAR(Guest):** Thanks. Also, this is Ichigo we're talking about, so they will be awed by his power. Even when a certain someone comes around, he will still unintentionally find a way to surprise everyone.

 **Guest#2:** There is actually a Reddit discussion about that, go and check it out.

 **Charles(Guest):** You don't have to wait long anymore cunt, here it is!

 **hevenlydemonknight:** I know, right?

 **DISCLAIMER:** I have crippling depression.

* * *

It was a like a living nightmare.

The grey sky, the choking mist, the splattered blood of the innocent - a true state of decay and destruction in the post-apocalyptic time where the once prosperous Daten City has fallen victim...

...To the machinations of the infamous Moon Rider, an emissary from an ancient alien species who dwell deep in the core of the Moon's body who wishes nothing else but death to all things living on Earth. By unleashing a horde of man-eating Ghosts on the powerless people of the town, his plan was on it's way to succeed.

 **"Nobody dares to stand in front of annihilation itself, for it is a foolish way to die."** The Moon Rider spoke in a distorted demonic voice, to which the camera faced the main villain.

The Moon Rider's body was covered in a long black torn cape that covered his shoulders, his torso and most of his legs. A massive black cleaver equipped in his right hand rested on hos shoulder. But the most terrifying feature was that his face was obscured by a white mask that strongly resembled a demonic skull.

The Ghosts he unleashed were casually rampaging across the town...until a pink car appeared out of nowhere, trampling the lesser Ghosts and saving countless of innocent lives in the way.

You know, because the Ghosts would've killed them all.

Duh.

Anyway, the car was rammed onto the head of the massive bandage wrapped Ghost, and two figures jumped out of it. One of them unleashed it's twin katanas and quickly slashed its arms, removing them from the torso, while the second one pulled out a gun and fired multiple shots in the Ghosts head, killing it instantly.

The figures, now revealed to be Panty Anarchy and Stocking Anarchy, came fort to the Moon Rider for the final battle.

"This ends here and now, motherfucker!" Panty said as she took aim at the villain.

"Your Ghosts are dead! Repent and we will be quick!" Stocking said as she readied herself for battle.

The Moon Rider only pointed his massive cleaver at our heroes, and without any lack of confidence, he spoke.

 **"Idiotic girls, all your battles...were just a part of my plan."**

The volume of the dramatic fighting music increased. However, both of the Angels haven't faltered, and Panty gave a single one-liner before shooting her gun.

"Fuck you bastard!"

 _ **THIS WINTER**_

 _ **FROM DAVID SHYAMALAN...**_

 **"Too slow."** Moon Rider spoke as both of the sisters barely managed to evade the slam of the massive cleaver.

 _ **PANTY ANARCHY...**_

"That's what your daddy heard when I was finished with him!" Panty said as the Moon Rider ran past her continuous shots throughout the ravaged buildings.

 _ **STOCKING ANARCHY...**_

Stocking tried to lunge at the Moon Rider with her katanas, only for the villain to duck and kick her away. But the goth Angel recovered and took an ancient samurai stance.

"We will end you!"

 _ **AND ICHIGO KUROSAKI IN...**_

 **"Hmph, finished with your last words? If so, plunge in the darkness of the Moon...if you dare!"** The Moon Rider jumped on a lone stop sign and stood on top of it, the Moon reflecting his whole body while casting a shadow in front of him. The antagonist then jumped and sliced the screen with a clean cut, the title reappearing from the white sliced part.

 **-ATTACK ON ANGEL!-**

 _ **THIS WINTER!**_

* * *

 _ **FLASHBACK TIME..WELL, KINDA..**_

At first he refused, because Ichigo just wasn't interested in the whole acting scheme. Especially since he was supposed to perform with the Anarchy sisters at his side, since he would never, NEVER allow himself to be in an... inappropriate motion picture. Panty's escapades were well known to the agent.

Mainly because she slept with him.

However, it eased his mind since he knew that Stocking wasn't the type to do those kinds of... films. If nothing else, at least both of them have standards in everything.

But somehow...well, he couldn't figure it out ,even if he wanted too, but _SOMEHOW_ \- Hats'n'Clogs managed to get a hold of the information, which was Ichigo's movie proposition.

Kisuke of course, being Kisuke, told _everyone_ in Karakura about this.

But Ichigo stood his ground.

Until his sisters asked him to just try.

"Big Bro, I believe you'll like it!" Yuzu said through the phone.

"Bro, can't hurt to try! If it turns out great, we will be the first to watch you!" Karin said enthusiastically.

"Finally some potential use of my deadbeat of a son!" Isshin said in his goofy voice, to which Ichigo just got annoyed and hung up.

'Stupid old man.' Ichigo thought as he went downstairs to the living room to let Panty and Stocking know the decision he made.

 _ **PRESENT TIME...ALSO KINDA...**_

Now, since he knew that all of his friends(in both the World of Living AND Soul Society) are gonna watch the movie he was about to star in, he had a little talk with the director...and the producer...and the editor...

Well, pretty much the whole cast of the movie.

First off, the name **SEX AND DATENCITY** was off the question, as Ichigo deemed the title inappropriate and something that needed to change.

His intimidating presence, coupled with his surprisingly good natural acting skills helped him.

Second, he didn't want any cheesy lines in his script. He was actually fine to play a villain, but he didn't want to pull the already overused villain tropes that were older that himself and his sisters combined.

Also, his whole little army back in Daten High were overjoyed when they heard that Ichigo was going to star in an action movie, especially since he was one of the main characters, more precisely - the main antagonist.

How in the Hell did they made those figurines so fast and so effective, Ichigo would never know.

The movie itself was finished quite quickly, but, even unedited at first - the Substitute Shinigami knew that it looked great. The wonders of modern CGI...

As for the acting itself, Ichigo never had a problem remembering the script, and the cast was impressed by how unforced his performance was. Sure, it showed some mistakes since he just started, but pushed that aside - he might even win some awards with this movie.

Since the trailer was released, Ichigo became a sort of a VIP back in Karakura. Hell, he was a VIP everywhere he went! And because of it, Ichigo had to go through a lot of photoshoots, charity fundraising, television interviews, meeting with his fans and signing autographs everywhere he went...

Well, the some interviews had to be shortened and cut. Those were always when Panty was in the room.

Goddamn nympho.

Garterbelt took pity on the Shinigami and sent him back home for the weekend. Well actually - just for a day. He had an award ceremony he had to attend to.

When he passed through the Senkaimon that ended in the Urahara Shoten, he was...

"SURPRISE!"

Ichigo could only smile at the sight. Friends from Karakura High, his family, and even some Shinigami waited for him, alongside a giant 'Congratulations!' cake.

"I'M SO PROUD OF YOU SON! YOU FINALLY MADE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF!" Isshin cried a waterfall of tears as he held his hand high up in the air. Ichigo could only just laugh at that.

The rest of the visit proceeded quite fun, by Ichigo's standards. But, he didn't count on someone to be at the shop too...

"Well well, looks like the experience in my shop paid out quite nicely, eh brat?"

Ichigo turned his head around to see a familiar face.

"I-Ikumi? What are you doing here?" Ichigo said to his former boss.

"What do you think I'm doing here?! Kaoru is now constantly talking about how cool you are, hell, he even has your bad-guy figurine! He would never admit that to you, by the way." Ikumi said, making Ichigo chuckle at that statement.

"So, Kurosaki - playing the villain? I've expected nothing less." Ishida said.

"Don't be a meanie, Ishida-kun! Besides, haven't you watched the trailer 5 tim..." Orihime proceeded to muffle as Uryuu put his hand on her mouth.

"Impressive acting, Ichigo. You are a natural." Chad commented, to which Ichigo only thanked him.

"ICHIGO! Man, I never would've thought that acting would be your thing!" Keigo said, to which Mizuiro stepped up.

"Ignore him. He managed to get a date yesterday because he's been telling people how close friends you two are."

"M-Mizuiro! Shut up!"

Ichigo was then greeted by Tatsuki, who pushed both of the current guys aside.

"Nice moves you show there! The production didn't want to cut out budget for the fight scenes, which I think are the best part!" Tatsuki said.

Ichigo felt a little awkward, since, for the purpose of realism he asked, the fights between him and the Anarchy sisters were choreographed, but still quite real. Of course, he couldn't tell anyone since he was under contract.

The majority of the night also proceeded on how cute Ichigo's bobble head figurines really were, much to Ichigo's embarrassment. But there was one Shinigami who made the situation a little bit better for the Substitute Shinigami.

"Oi, Ichigo! Got famous now, didn't you?" Renji said with a smirk.

"Wow Renji, never would I've guessed that you could be that observant." Ichigo replied.

"Very funny. You know what's funny too? The Shinigami Woman..." Renji got cut off as Rukia barged right in front of him.

"Ichigo! As a celebrity now, your duty is to cater to your fans by any means necessary! For now, I need you to sign these photos!" Rukia said as she tossed a pile of posters to Ichigo, making him lose balance and thus him ending on the ground.

"Rukia, stop pestering him about this nonsense, I mean..."

"I-It's okay, Renji. I kinda knew what I was getting into the moment I went on the scene." Ichigo said as he pulled out a black pen and started signing everything with the speed of light.

"But tell me, Rukia - does the Shinigami Women's Association plan to sell these throughout Seiretei?" Ichigo questioned, to which Rukia tried to feign ignorance.

"No, no, no - definitely not. You've gained quite a number of fans in Soul Society when Yoruichi spread the word about you!"

Rukia told him a half lie for the selling part, to which Ichigo only sighed and gave the signed photographs back to the Kuchiki.

"So, how are you treated back at the Church?" Renji asked.

"Actually fine. The priest there isn't the most likable person I've ever met, but he's okay. The only thing that annoys me are the Angels there, especially the blonde. Seriously, we had to stop a couple of times just because he met a random guy and decided to...spend her time with. Irresponsible bitch." Ichigo said as he massaged the bridge of his nose.

Renji was at least relieved for the Substitute Shinigami. If everything goes right, Ichigo might not have to witness the... horrifying things Renji had seen in the Church.

"Alright, Ichigo. Do you trust me?"

"Ugh, what kind of question is that? I mean, probably, yeah."

"Whatever you do, do not, and I repeat, do NOT go into the basement of the Church. Got it?"

Before Ichigo could ask anything about that, Urahara showed up in front of everybody with a small cup.

"Kurosaki-san, with that kind of performance, you could give Aizen a run for his money! Anyway, it's getting late - and we certainly don't want for you to be unprepared for the ceremony tommorow!" Kisuke said, to which Ichigo nodded.

"Hats'n'Clogs is right. Well, hope that every one of you will watch. See ya!" Ichigo said as he jumped through the Daten City Senkaimon.

"Yoruichi-san! You weren't there to greet Ichigo again!" Kisuke cheerfully said.

"Say, Kisuke...wanna make a bet?" Yoruichi said, to which Urahara adjusted his small hat.

"...I'm listening."

 _ **SOMEWHERE IN DATEN CITY...**_

Ichigo didn't care for either the spotlight or the public's opinion about him, but he still cared for his reputation and how he was seen by the people who actually knew him, and not some anonymous character who recognized him just because he was on their screens.

While Panty was off making money and doing everything she wanted to - the classic celebrity lifestyle, Ichigo followed Stocking's example and didn't went to much public, since the movie itself wasn't released yet.

Or was it the other way around?

We'll never know.

However, since Panty wasn't attending school due to her 'responsibilities', Ichigo became the second most popular student in Daten High, and the 'Protected' became the most powerful social group in the entire school. Ichigo took some precautions and told his small army to not let the sudden fame and power get over their heads.

Especially since he found that more than half of them now had spiky short orange hair, to which it annoyed Ichigo quite much.

"Guys, remember - don't be something you aren't, be who you truly are. If someone doesn't like you for that and want to change you, then they can go and fuck themselves!"

Fortunately, since being a geek/nerd required you to have a brain larger than a midget's testicle, they heeded his advice. And washed out the orange dye.

Turns out it was effective, since now every girl in the school now were on for boys with stronger brains, not stronger muscle, to which the 'Protected' were eternally grateful to Ichigo.

"Hey, where is Brief?" Ichigo asked a random student.

"I think he called in sick today."

'Well, can't do anything about that' Ichigo thought as his school day ended and went back to the Church.

 _ **THE CHURCH!**_

"Innocent, and a bit of a tomboy. Completely free of scandal and gossip, she's winning the world over, from kids to the elderly. Like pigs to the slaughter." Stocking read the magazine as she put the spoonful of pudding in her mouth, the sweet texture melting in her mouth, and the taste itself exciting her taste senses on her tongue, making her whole body wiggle out of pure bliss.

"This pudding is a winner!"

Ichigo came to the living room, his backpack already left at the room, and currently eating some of the leftover curry Garter made yesterday.

"Oi Shtocking, whachu doin therr?" Ichigo asked.

"Writing my blog. Not that you are interested in that kind of stuff." Stocking responded.

"You're right - I'm not."

"Hm, get dressed. We got a limo driving us to the ceremony. God, Panty is late again..." Stocking said, to which Ichigo was already on the stairs, marching towards the room.

 _ **LAteR...**_

The pink limo outside was coming towards it's destination, while the inside was full of people. On the one side we had Panty, dressed quite fashionably in pink, and her small gang of agents, make-up experts and advisors, while the other side was occupied by Stocking, who was dressed all in black and had a small black feather top of her hair, Ichigo, who got his hands on a classic black tuxedo and was equipped with black sunglasses, and a lying Chuck.

"Hi Panty."

"Sup, Panty."

"Hi Stocking, Berry Boy. Hey Stocking, I've seen your commercial, so I thought Berry Boy here might take a look." Panty said as she pushed the laptop.

Ichigo watched the whole 'Stocking Donuts' thing, and, unlike Panty who was laughing her ass of and proceeding to get Chuck thrown at her face, Ichigo found the whole ad just a tad bit cringy. However, it couldn't compare to what that crazy Don Kanonji did on television the whole time.

Plus, Stocking looked a little cute in that donut costume.

 _ **'Falling for the goth chick, are we King?'**_

Ichigo just ignored Zangetsu and joined the conversation between the two sisters about...

"So, Berry Boy. You didn't do anything after the trailer now did you? Only signing some autographs here and there, and besides that - nothing else." Panty said.

"Ichigo and I play it cool, and avoid any excessive exposure until the movie comes out. We don't seal cheap like a certain whore I know." Stocking said as she take a sip of her cocoa.

 _ **'Oh, I could smell the burn even here! Now I see why you like her!'**_

"Stocking is right, Panty. Don't ruin this movie by doing something stupid. Also, my family is watching, so try to act a bit more decent. That is, if you know what that word even means." Ichigo said, to which Panty only waved her hand at both of them.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. What could possibly go wrong?" Panty added.

 _ **DATENTHEATRE**_

Apparently, _EVERYTHING_ could go wrong.

Especially if you are a blond slut that is dumb enough to think that it is a good idea to show a _FUCKING PORNO_ in front of thousands of people and the millions of others that were watching on TV.

Just because she wanted to prove that Attack on Angel was NOT her first film.

Fuck.

The scared shocked look of Stocking's face, and Ichigo's jaw dropping grimace was something that Chuck would never forget. Panty telling the story behind on how she ended up filming this was NOT helping at all.

And the continuation of the movie at the private theatre room at Panty's request as she kept rambling about it was enough to make Stocking to slowly take off the black feather, trying her hardest to suppress her rage.

Ichigo...not so much.

It showed as he punched Panty in the face, flying her across the other side of the room and making her crash on the large TV screen.

"WHAT THE FUCK! BERRY BOY, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU AR..."

"SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP! You have any idea what you've done?!" Ichigo yelled at the blonde.

"Chill there, Berry Boy! I've just showed my early talent there!" Panty responded.

"YOU...Shit, how could I forget?!" Ichigo panicked as he pulled out his phone and dialed his dad, who picked up in the matter of seconds.

"Old man, please tell me that you've..."

"Don't worry Ichigo, I've turned off the television as soon as the...movie played. I explained to Yuzu and Karin that your friend made a mistake. I believe that you should focus your matter now. I hope it will go away quickly!" Isshin said as he hung up, relieving Ichigo of the potential mental trauma his sisters might've suffered because of Panty's stunt.

Speaking of the blonde Angel, her agent gave her an epiphany - because of that porn flick, the movie is in jeopardy of being canceled, which meant that her celebrity lifestyle would come to an end, and that was something Panty will fight for.

To which she only took the video tape and shoved it into Chuck's mouth, who crunched it until it was gulped down.

"There! Simple as that! All the evidence has been destroyed. All's well that ends well." Panty flicked her hair.

"You imbecile. As long as there is even a single tape out there, it can be copied onto an infinite number of DVD's and Blue ray's! Goddamit! You never think anything through! Whaddaya got there? All clogged up with monkey vomit?" Stocking tapped her sisters head as she was ranting about her.

 _ **'Eh, would've said white goo, but monkey vomit is fine too. Hey, that rhymed!'**_

"What is this? Sour grapes?! You puke-drenched goth bitch! Watch as all my people clean up this mess." Panty said, completely ignorant of her surroundings.

"Yeah, about your people...they just left a few seconds ago." Ichigo said, to which Panty started turning her head around...just to check, you know?

"They were quick to run away. An idiot can only attract other idiots." Stocking said.

"Face it, you fucked up, and it's all your fault. Maybe this will teach you a thing or two." Ichigo added as he and Stocking were looking at the title screen of 'Attack on Angel', already planning a solid excuse of the cancellation of the movie to his friends and comrades.

What he didn't planned was Panty giving both him and Stocking a big hug.

"Say, Stocking, Ichigo - you're the only ones I can count on now." Panty said as she kissed her sister on the cheek, to which Stocking and Ichigo only sighed.

"Alright, but I'm only helping because you dropped the stupid nickname. And the movie." Ichigo said as the trio went for a ride in See Through.

* * *

Stocking, being the brains of the group(Ichigo acted as a half brawn/half brains member), managed to get a list of the buyers from the publisher of the video. However, problems started to emerge as they found a couple of buyers that pretty much...didn't exist nowhere in the world.

Of course, the first thought was that someone used a fake name so that it the buyer would remain anonymous.

But as the evidence was being destroyed, the list was getting shorter and shorter - and those names still remained unchecked. Ichigo did got some useful information when one of the video store clerks said that one of the buyers was...

A busty blonde with a beauty mark on her face.

Which only meant one thing.

"Urahara, I need a direct Senkaimon to Seiretei - NOW!" Ichigo said to the shopkeeper as he stood in front of his store.

"My my, Kurosaki-san, seems like you're quite serious of saving the movie there. No worries, I already called your friends, and they should be arriving...now."

Ichigo turned around to see three figures coming out of the shining gate to the spiritual world. Captain Kuchiki, Captain Hitsugaya and...Sui Feng?

"Byakuya, Toshiro, and...who were you again?"

"It's Captain Hitsugaya to you!" the young captain adressed.

"We've heard of your little...problem, Kurosaki Ichigo. Make no mistake, we are not doing this to help you, but to remind the Shinigami of decency and manners." Byakuya spoke.

"Besides, the Woman's Association was about to do something about it, so we've concluded that it would be much less of a hassle if all only four of us would do this. I swear that I'm gonna put Rangiku through paperwork hell when we finish this!" Toshiro added.

"Yeah, yeah, let's just get over it. Tho, why is she helping?" Ichigo said as he nodded towards the Captain of the 2nd Squad.

"Make no mistake, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Yoruichi-sama. We must move now!" The female captain said as she re-entered the Senkaimon first, followed by, in order, Hitsugaya, Byakuya and finally Ichigo.

 _ **SEIRETEI, SOUL SOCIETY**_

The names on the 'tape-destroyer' list went something like this:

 **\- Haineko Tsumoto**

 **\- Yosuke Cherry**

 **\- Kero Kagaku**

 **\- Byakuya Kuchiki**

Wait, what?

"I would've never thought that the cold-hearted, stone-faced Byakuya would ever be interested in..." Ichigo jested until he was interrupted by Byakuya.

"That is my reason for helping you, Kurosaki Ichigo. I shall not allow for anyone to sully my name, and the name of the Kuchiki manor."

'Well, some things never change, I guess...' Ichigo thought.

Back to the scene, all of them already knew who was the first name. It was so painfully obvious.

"Hmph, she's even too lazy to come up with a good alias." Hitsugaya sighed as the four of them approached...

 _ **SQUAD 10 BARRACKS**_

"Captain Kuchiki, Captain Sui-Feng, I would like to deal with my Lieutenant without any more crowd. I hope you understand." Toshiro said as both he and Ichigo entered the building and arrived at the Captain's office...

Where a sleeping Rangiku was currently occupying the sofa.

"Matsumoto!" Hitsugaya yelled as Rangiku's eyes barely lifted up. The Lieutenant, with great effort, managed to get into a seating position on the sofa and proceeded rubbing her eyes.

"Captain? Ichigo-kun? Wh-What are you two doing together?"

"We came to destroy a certain video tape you bought, without my consent, which would've not be given!" Toshiro said.

"Captain, I have a lot of video tapes from the World of Living. What are you looking for exactly?" Rangiku said, to which Ichigo had to gather all his inner strength, while trying not to cringe himself to death...

"It's called Hot Throat Loopy Roll."

Ichigo could only pinch the bridge of his nose, since he needs to say the name of that flick 3 more times, while Toshiro's eye started to twitch, probably because a Shinigami Lieutenant, HIS Lieutenant, bought a tape with such a...name.

Then again, we're speaking about Matsumoto here.

To the demand, Rangiku plunged her hand into her cleavage and pulled out a flashy pink video tape.

"Here you go. Not sure why I bought it in the first place...maybe I was drunk back then..." Rangiku finished as she proceeded to fall asleep on the sofa again.

"Tch...one of these days." Toshiro commented as Ichigo cracked the tape in two with his hands. The two of them exited the barracks to meet up with the rest of the Captains.

"So, who's next?"

 _ **SQUAD 8 BARRACKS**_

"I cannot believe that you would do something like that Captain! Buying trashy video tapes like those is a degrading act! I thought you would know better!"

The one currently having a fit was Nanao Ise, and the receiving end was, obviously, her captain.

"My little Nanao, I've already told you that I did not buy it - it was a gift from a friend!"

"A gift that you would manage to part with, Captain Kyoraku?" Sui Feng asked as she held the tape in her hands.

"Well, I am excited to watch Ichigo's movie, and if this little tape can put the movie in danger of getting cancelled, then, as a fellow artist, I cannot allow that. But do tell me, how did you found out that I had it?" Shunsui asked as he took a sip of his sake.

"Eh, we took a guess...because of the name." Ichigo replied, to which Sui Feng crushed the tape in her hand, and continued towards the next name on the list.

"I swear, your 'friend' is even worse than you, giving you that...film!" Nanao said.

* * *

"Achoo!"

"Hey, you alright? You aren't gonna infect us with a cold, are you?" Hiyori asked.

"No worries." Lisa replied.

* * *

 **SQUAD 12 BARRACKS**

"This... is something that I'm really not looking forward to." Ichigo commented as the four of them entered down the dark hallway of the large white ominous building that served as the base of the 12th Squad.

The lights suddenly flashed, and at the end of the corridor stood 2 very familiar figures - Captain Kurotsuchi and his Lieutenant Nemu.

"Fellow Captains...and Kurosaki Ichigo. I presume you came for this?" Mayuri said as he lifted the small pink video tape which he held in his hand.

"Yes, we have." Byakuya replied, the tension in the air so thick that you could cut it with a knife. The animosity between the Captains, especially between the assassin and the scientist was quite strong.

To this day, Sui-Feng still thinks that a man like Mayuri Kurotsuchi must be put between bars, probably in a deepest locked cell in whole Seiretei. The morally questionable experiments were overlooked simply because of the status as a captain, which was an unwavering position.

It was also well known that he held absolutely no respect for his own men that he deemed useless, and if, ironically, weren't for Ichigo Kurosaki and his gang, who at the time invaded Soul Society to rescue Byakuya's sister, the Shinigami would never knew that the Squad 12 Captain was using the lesser seated Shinigami as living bombs.

Uryuu Ishida told the Substitute Shinigami about how Mayuri used a 'superhuman drug' to finish off the 8th Espada, putting him in a painful torture where seconds for the unlucky Espada seemed centuries, if the captain was to be trusted.

Ichigo was slowly and steadily unwrapping Zangetsu, preparing himself for a potential battle. Sure, the odds were in favor for him and the three captains, but he knew that the sneaky scientist always had something in his pocket.

God, he just hoped it wasn't a needle.

And so they waited.

.

.

.

Until Mayuri threw the video tape at them.

"Have it! Good riddance! I have never seen such trash in my whole research of human entertainment! The whole 'movie' was nothing but an exaggeration of a simple and natural act of all human-like beings that indulge, either for the sake of reproducing or the physical enjoyment of it. Not to mention the whole plot was poorly planned and simply unforgivable bad script writing!"

As Mayuri kept ranting about the flick, Ichigo simply crushed the video tape and, along with the other captains, went towards the exit.

 _ **SOMEWHERE IN SEIRETEI**_

'Well, that was a thing.' Ichigo thought as he strolled throughout the labyrinth-like walls of the Shinigami barracks. The Captains and Ichigo decided to split up and start questioning any potential suspects, as the identity of 'Byakuya Kuchiki' still remained unknown.

"Kurosaki-san! Kurosaki-san!"

Ichigo turned around towards the familiar, yet panicked, voice, and was pleasantly surprised when he recognized his friend, Hanataro Yamada.

"Hanataro! Long time no see! What are you doing?"

"Well, I-I think I might, or might not, be in some trouble." Ichigo rose an eyebrow to the statement.

"Hold on, what kind of trouble?"

"So, we-we've heard that you, alongside Captain Kuchiki, Captain Hitsugaya and Captain Sui Feng are searching for...incriminating material regarding the movie you star in. I mean, the material does not include you of course, just that blonde girl you've been acting with. In the movie, not the...material." Hanataro smiled nervously.

"So, what do you want to tell me?" Ichigo asked, to which the innocent Hanataro did something Ichigo would've never expected.

He pulled out one of the tapes from his robe.

"B-But, please - don't tell anybody! I beg you!"

"Hanataro, you kinda disappoint me with this. I never knew that you were into that kind of stuff." Ichigo said as he crossed his arms.

"I-It's not for me! I actually bought it for someone else!"

"And for who, might I ask?"

"..."

"..."

"...Ganju."

Ichigo sighed. Of course that stupid pig rider would do something like this. Geez, asking someone like Hanataro to buy stuff like this? That's a new low, even for the Shiba sand master. What would've Kukaku said about this?

Wait.

'Well, you never know when you could get good blackmail material, I guess.' Ichigo thought.

 _ **'That's the spirit, King!'**_

"Also, why did you use Byakuya's name? I mean, I'm not gonna tell him, since I know what he's gonna do with you if he finds out, but I just want to know - why?"

"I panicked! I was never in that...kind of a video store and...I was just at loss of words." Hanataro before running back to his barracks, but he said one thing before leaving...

"Thank you Kurosaki-san! I hope we will see each other in different circumstances soon."

As Ichigo was looking at the innocent Shinigami running in the opposite direction, he had just one thought before rejoining the rest of the 'video tape destroyer team'.

"I presume you managed to find the last name of the list?" Byakuya asked, appearing suddenly behind the corner.

"Nah, I just bumped into somebody and they dropped this. I have absolutely no idea who that might be." Ichigo said with the best poker face he could muster up.

"...I am going to ignore the fact that you may be covering up for someone, for the lack of evidence supporting my suspicion. What matters the most is that all the tapes are destroyed, and that you may now return to your original assignment." Byakuya spoke as he activated the Daten City Senkaimon. As Ichigo was about to enter it, he stood for a second and turned to the Kuchiki.

"How do you know that someone hasn't maid copies in Soul Society?" Ichigo asked.

"Simple. We don't have the technology to do that." Byakuya replied.

'Well, at least that is reassuring.'

 _ **DATENTHEATRE**_

Ichigo could still not believe that, after all the effort they went through, Panty decided to keep one tape for keepsake. It was her 'first movie', right? Even offered for three of them to watch it together sometimes, and that was something Ichigo explicitly rejected, for which Panty called him a 'no-fun prude'.

'Hey, I may be a prude, but I'm not boring!' Ichigo thought as the three of them stood on the same stage a couple of weeks ago.

"This was all made possible by the fans! You're the best, you really are!" Panty said on the microphone, which was replied with numerous cheers and camera flashes of the audience as the three of them all waved at the crowd.

"This is Miss Panty's debut!" The host said, to which Panty immediately added,

"Yes, yes, that's right! This is absolutely, positively my first film ever!"

"This is also both Miss Stockings and Mister Ichigo's first film, is that right?"

"Yes! It's a dream come true to appear in a movie with my sister..."

"Yes, yes, we started off as a trio, but as you can see, the girl's a little emo, or a goth as you will, and the guy is a bit rough 'round the edges. I was worried that both of them wouldn't quite fit in the movie." Panty said, earning both the shocked expressions of both Stocking and Ichigo. Unfortunately, the blonde just kept on talking.

"So, after talking it over with the director and producer, we decided that I would be the only major star! We figured everybody would prefer it that way!" To that statement, the crowd went into a shocking aw as the cameras started flashing even faster than ever before, while Stocking's and Ichigo's eyes were shadowed by their hair.

 _ **'...Wow.I wouldn't have even dream on doing this, at THAT says something.'**_

"Our highly-skilled CG team erased Stocking from all her scenes. It's like she was never there to begin with! As for Ichigo, we just removed all the dialogue lines and just left out the battle scenes! That's one more thing you can look forward to!"

As Panty continued basking in her glory, both Stocking and Ichigo went backstage, while trying to contain all their stockpiled fury inside of them. Stocking already ripped her doll in half, while Ichigo was on his way to make a phone call...while making a fist-sized hole in the wall.

"Son, we've seen it. If you wish, we can return our tickets, everybody would understand." Isshin said through the phone, to which he added.

"OH SCREW THE BLONDIE! IF SHE THINKS THAT YOU ARE NOT GOOD FOR THE MOVIE, FINE! YOU CAN DO THAT TOO!"

And at that moment, Ichigo, in very rare moments of his life, had an elaborate plan in mind.

"Thanks dad, it means a lot to me. Say hi to Yuzu and Karin."

"Will do! Now go and make me even prouder!" Isshin replied as he hung up.

"Stocking." Ichigo turned around to see the goth Angel at the exit door.

"...Yes Ichigo?"

"You still have the tape?"

"Yes."

"Do what you need to do. Then call me - I have a plan. It's gonna bury that blonde bimbo even deeper that it could already with that flick of hers."

"...I'm listening."

* * *

She was finally there.

The top of the Mountain of Bones, where many a warriors were laid to rest, he stood. The bastard that killed her father, and over what?

"What do you wish for?" The man spoke, turning around and facing the girl. The man appeared to be in his teens, but was covered in brown, tattered rags, from shoulders to the bottom. The brown hood of the rags completely concealed his face, but it showed a bit of orange spiky hair on the top. He also wore a set of black pants and long brown combat boots, that appeared to be damaged of overuse.

However, the katana he carried on his hip, sheated, still appeared like it just exited the blacksmith's shop.

"You killed my father! I will kill you, even if it costs me my own life!" The girl yelled.

The man quickly scanned the girl. She wore a simple white corset, alongside a short black skirt. She also wore small shoes that were clearly not meant for travelling on terrain such as the Mountain of Bones.

If the long, well-kept navy blue hair, or the youthful, teary face were anything, it clearly showed that the girl had absolutely no battle experience at all.

"Then you will accomplish nothing, as you will die, and I will live. However, I have a proposition for you, if you are willing to listen." The man spoke, as he approached closer towards the girl.

"I won't listen to you, you, you bloody murderer!" The girl said as she swung her knife towards his head, only to be intercepted by him grabbing her arm and harshly pinning her down to the ground.

"Now, you are in no position to talk. All you little girls can do is order everything from others and spend the money of others. If I wanted it, I would chop that arm of yours right now!"

"NO, please don't! Please!" The girl said, to which the man started to laugh.

"It's my arm now, and I can do whatever I please. Where was all that bravado before now? Kill me even if it costs you your own life? Then try to stop me now!" The man said as he started twisting her arm, to which the girl screamed in pain.

"I can't! I can't!"

"It's because you feel helpless now?"

"Yes!"

"Do you admit that you are like a chicken who tried to fight a wolf?!"

"YES!"

The man only laughed as he let her go off her arm.

"You still wish to kill me, correct?"

"...Yes."

The man only smiled at her statement.

"Your training begins...tomorrow!"

 **FROM THE PROTECTED PRODUCTIONS...**

 **STOCKING ANARCHY...**

 **AND ICHIGO KUROSAKI IN...**

 **=THE WAY OF VENGEANCE=**

 **THIS WINTER!**

* * *

 **AN: I know I haven't updated in 19 days, so...**

 **Sorry not sorry!**

 **Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful day/night.**

 **Also, don't forget the Tv Tropes thingy! It would mean a lot to my ego. And it could solve my non-existant crippling depression problem.**

 **Until next time.**

 **\\[T]/**


	6. BROTHER

Not gonna lie, I actually had to THINK on how am I gonna make this...

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You know what?

Fuck it.

RUSH TIME!

 **Super heavy weapons guy:** Thank you, and yes - Ichigo's nerves aren't made of steel.

 **G. I. PEAR (Guest):** Thanks! Also, there may or may not be some other Shinigami in the whole story. Also, the thing about Panty having a heart in her upper body? I think that you're missing the episode, or in this case - the chapter.

 **Zero Dragon Flame:** Well, here you go. The next chapter. Hope you're happy.

 **victorarte19:** I haven't seen Violet Evergarden, but I'll take your word that it's good, so - thanks for the compliment.

 **ulquiorra. schiffer. 1291:** Guess the reference then, if you can. :)

 **New Universe Returns:** I did had some plans for the Japan visit, and yes - the movie part of the last chapter isn't finished yet.

 **Charles(Guest):** Nicely said, ya old cunt. Do tell me - who is your dope supplier? Asking for scientific research, of course.

 **Halphas Greed:** Haven't seen you in a while. For the Quincy question - you'll see it at the end of this story. As for your second statement - when did I say that the transformation was only cosmetic?

 **Guest:** I can only say that the only group that has trouble with dispensing Ghosts are Shinigami, and as for why - reread Chapter 4. Try to make your own theories out of that.

A true magician is the one who does not reveal his secrets to others.

Or it goes something like that.

 **DISCLAIMER:** I only own my soul...for now.

* * *

"It's missing! Missing! Missing! Missing!"

Now, here is the deal - ever since Ichigo started to live in the Daten City Church, he, naturally, had to acquaint himself with the other tenants. From Panty's lewd habits, Chuck's bizzare behavior, Garter's constant disciplinary tone, and finally - Stocking's addiction to anything sweet. Frankly - he could live with those few things and accepted them as something normal. After all, his 'beloved' father would ambush him every morning, so he is no stranger to anything awkward.

The problem here is that the tenants aren't very accepting of themselves, probably because they don't have the same brain mental capacity as Ichigo does.

At least Chuck doesn't.

The ruckus Stocking was making in the living room was starting to annoy the Substitute Shinigami a bit, so he decided that he doesn't want his morning to start with a little girl yelling for 10 minutes straight.

"Oi Stocking, what happened?" Ichigo asked while scratching his head.

"It's missing!" Stocking ignored the question as she continued to search through the armchair.

"What? Your period?" Panty asked.

 _ **'You know, I want to laugh at that...but it's below my already low standards.'**_

"My pudding's gone! The legendary delicacy I ordered from Heaven that's said to have a 500 year waiting list!" Stocking said, to which Panty just let a casual 'eh'. Not long after, the goth Angel started pointing fingers...

"Did you ate it?" Stocking asked Ichigo, to which he equipped the scowl on his face for these kinds of situations.

"No. I find puddings disgusting." Ichigo replied, to which he earned a quick death glare from Stocking.

"Alright, did you ate it? It is either you or Chuck, since this cretin doesn't know how to appreciate delicacies!" Stocking said, to which the blonde just plucked the inside of her ear in annoyance and Ichigo's eye started twitching in anger.

"Why would I do that?" Panty said as she kicked Chuck, making the poor zombie dog ricochet throughout the living room. Stocking, not satisfied and not convinced in her sister's ignorance, grabbed Panty on her cheek, and by using a magnifying glass, discovered something awful.

"It was you!" Stocking exclaimed as Panty wrestled from her grasp.

"On second thought, I guess it was me. It didn't taste all that good. Too sweet." Panty said out of spite, to which Stocking grabbed Chuck in mid-air and started to choke the life out of him.

"I knew it was you...You can't stand sweet stuff! Why would you eat it?!" Stocking asked.

"Who cares? It's only pudding. It's not like we're little kids here." Panty commented.

"We are not little kids here, that is the fact. YOU, on the other hand, are something even worse. I am seriously getting tired of your stuff being thrown around everywhere! And for sake of it, learn how to clean laundry! Last time I checked, my underwear wasn't colored in different shades of red and pink!" Ichigo yelled, with steam coming from his mouth.

"You are always irresponsible! Acting like a total pig all the time! Your room is a mess, the bathroom is a containment zone after you use it, and you throw food everywhere!" Stocking said as she tried to calm herself. Panty, being Panty, approached her little sister and tried to snuggle her way out of this.

"Oh, Stocking, you're such a little hothead. Don't get your panties in your bunch. And Berry Boy, you'll get a stroke like that if you continue." Panty said, but...

"You know what? Screw you. I've dealt with people that saw fun in their attempts to kill me, creepy weirdos who wanted to experiment on me and a guy with a god complex. But even they aren't as nerve-damaging as you! And don't think I forgot that shitty stunt you pulled out after Stocking and I helped you get your celebrity lifestyle back!"

"Aw, don't be a bore Berry Boy. And that was like a chapter ago - get over it already." Panty said.

Suddenly, Stocking released herself from her sisters grasp and asked the crucial question.

"Are we even sisters?"

To that statement, Ichigo was surprised and raised an eyebrow.

"Here, I'll share my favorite snacks with you." Panty said as she waved a package of Death Babanero's in front of her sister...who just slapped it off of her hand and fell on the floor.

"Hey, I'm trying to be nice..." Panty said.

"I can't stand spicy stuff!"

"Guys."

"Keep gorging yourself on those sweets and you'll end up as fat as a pig."

"Oh? Well my fat goes straight to my boobs, so there's no problem there!" Stocking said, and her boobs bounced - like a confirmation of the statement.

 _ **'Kinda like a certain orange-haired dunce back in Karakura...'**_

"Guys..."

"Yours are just big fat lumps. Mine are perky and sensitive." Panty said as she started touching her chest, to which Ichigo only facepalmed so that he won't have to witness the scene.

"Excuses, excuses. Bigger boobs are obviously better!"

"Is that all you can brag about? No wonder you can't score with any real men!"

"...Guys..."

"Oh really? I managed to score with that precious boytoy of yours. The stupid gym-rat who can't think for himself. For that matter, he had no idea what he was doing down there. It doesn't take much to satisfy you, eh?" Stocking smiled as Panty was fuming from anger.

"The junk on that submissive guy you're so fond of was like barfed-up shit. It was as limp as your pudding."

And all of a sudden, both Angel sisters felt somewhat of a heavy pressure trying to pin them down on the floor, like the gravity just got a few times stronger, followed by a streak of lighting that hit Chuck.

"ENOUGH YOU TWO!"

Of course the source of all that was Ichigo.

The source of the pressure, not lighting.

Last time I checked, the location is Daten Church, not the desolate desert that is now the Ringed City.

"I've just woken up, and the one thing I don't want to hear right now is constant bitching about puddings, boobs and other irrelevant shit. You're sisters for crying out loud! You either solve this peacefully or I'll do a Getsuga on your asses just so that I could have a quiet mornin..."

Ichigo was abruptly stopped by the ding sound of the elevator, and the two occupants of it that came out of it - the very suspicious looking Garterbelt and a nervous Brief, who had Garter's hand around his shoulder.

"H-Hi Panty, Ichigo! Y-Your dad showed me in. He-he's a really interesting guy..."

"I'm single. I really am single." Garter responded, as he leaned closer to the ginger.

"First off, he's not my dad, and never will be. Second - stop that Garter, it's really fucking creepy." Ichigo said, to which Garter took the freshly fried Chuck and gutted him, to which the zombie dog puked the small torn piece of paper that said ROPE.

"Ladies, God bids you to do His will! Deport immediately! Panty, Stocking and Ichigo, move out!" Garter exclaimed.

"Gladly, can't stand these two!" Ichigo said as he went to finish his breakfast. However, the sisters weren't as cooperative as the Substitute Shinigami.

"Nope."

"Not gonna happen."

"Holy shit! Why not?!"

"Becush zhey ar a bunch of shtupid grls that koldnt get alung evn if it killd dem." Ichigo said as he was munching a sandwich, to which Garterbelt facepalmed as the sisters continued a debate on their own why can't they work together.

To which Ichigo just proceeded to his room after he finished his meal and got into his Shinigami robes. A good Ghost hunt is always better than the bickering of two sisters.

"Let's go Chuck! Who needs that worthless bitch anyway?" Stocking said as she picked up Chuck, and then turned to the Shinigami.

"Ichigo, you coming?" Stocking asked.

"Bah, fuck that freaky sugar addict. I'd rather work with Geek Boy over here." Panty said as Brief already started to panic at the statement.

"Berry Boy, you coming with your best pals here?" Panty said as she twitched her finger towards herself.

Ichigo now faced the dreadful question of whether he should go with Stocking and Chuck, since he actually could maintain a normal, simple conversation with the goth sister without any perverted remarks he would usually get from Panty.

On the other hand, he could join Panty and Brief, seeing that Brief was his friend from school, whom he can also hang out normally. And he does have that P.R.Y , P.T.E ...P-something meter that tracks Ghosts quite quickly.

A tough choice indeed.

Review and post your answers until the 20th March! Is it:

 **A)** Join Stocking

or

 **B)** Join Panty and Brief

Find out the answer in the next chapter, that the audience, or more precisely - YOU will determine!

See ya next time!

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Pft, just kidding - you don't decide shit here.

HA!

Anyway, Ichigo made the obvious decision.

He chose option **C)** , which meant:

"You already ruined my morning with your bantering. Sorry Brief, but I'm doing this one on my own. As for the both of you - feel free to go and screw yourselves."

Both Panty and Stocking were left with their jaws hanging from the Shinigami's answer as he Shunpo-ed from their sights and into the heavily populated urban area known as...

 _ **DATEN CITY DOWNTOWN**_

 _ **"Nice one going there, ruining your chances with the goth chick! Seems that I'm gonna be blue-balled forever..."**_

 _"Whatever he may say, know that you made a right decision there, Ichigo."_

"You sure? I mean, I don't actually know if this is the same case with Yuzu and Karin."

 _"I believe that they need some time to think, and they shall reconcile with each other. They are the same blood, after all."_

Old Man Zangetsu was right. The bond between siblings is strong, and something like an argument that happened this morning is even close to cracking it. Though he could have diffused the whole situation a lot quicker if he stepped in and made them reconcile with each other...

"Nah, they'll have to figure it out on their own. I'm not a therapist for crying out loud!" Ichigo said as he strolled throughout the roofs of the Daten City Downtown in search of the Ghost.

The only clue he had so far about the target was that the message Garter got from Chuck (Ichigo still doesn't know how do they manage to transport pieces of paper in a zombie dog via lighting, but then again - Shinigami used butterflies to contact each other in Seiretei) that had the word ROPE written on it.

'Alright, that could only mean that the Ghost either hung himself and now uses a rope as a weapon or...

...

Yeah, that's pretty much everything he can think of actually.

His deep thought moments was interrupted when he noticed a familiar pink humvee down on the street. The Shinigami jumped from the building roof and landed next to the vehicle, only to find that it was empty.

If you don't count Chuck who was currently humping the radio.

'Chuck's here, so it means that Stocking is nearby.' Ichigo thought as he turned around to see if the goth Angel is nearby, which she wasn't.

 _ **'Who knows when she arrived here...ugh, it's gonna be a pain in the ass to find her.'**_

Or maybe it doesn't have to be.

'Well, haven't used the whole spirit ribbon thingy that Rukia showed me in quite a while. Let's see if I can make it work now...well, if it works.' Ichigo thought. The Substitute Shinigami stood completely still...and focused.

The world around him turned completely blue, as a massive number of white ribbons appeared from the sky.

'If I remember correctly, normal souls are white while those of the Shinigami are red. Hopefully, Angels have a different color...there!'

Ichigo extended his hand to grab a violet-colored ribbon, to which he was now able to pinpoint Stocking's location.

'Purple huh? Kinda makes sense, when I think about it'

Ichigo jumped on the rooftop of the nearest building...however, he did not expect that he would have company.

The Substitute Shinigami stopped moving when he noticed a figure, all covered in a massive black cloak, that was currently facing his direction. Apart from the fact that the cloak covered the whole area from the head to his waist, Ichigo did notice that the figure wore very loose trousers and sported a pair of black shoes with red outlines that had a very, VERY familiar feel to it.

And not in a good way.

Not the mention that the shadowed part of his hood revealed a wide grin, white teeth sticking out like beacons in the dark.

"Listen here, unless you have business with me, I suggest you move out of my way, got it?" Ichigo said, though he knew that, hoping that this wouldn't turn into a fight, even with all the indications that it will.

And it did, since the cloaked figure swayed his arm towards Ichigo and, unleashing a black colored appendage from its sleeve that caught Ichigo's left hand, to which the Substitute Shinigami pulled Zangetsu from it's wrappings with his remaining free hand and exclaimed:

"Getsuga Tensho!"

The figure jumped sky high and positioned above the Shinigami and dodging the attack in the process, only to pull Ichigo towards him with the appendage towards him. Ichigo was caught a bit off guard, since he didn't expect the strength this guy had. The Kurosaki noticed that the figure's free hand was now equipped with a black sheated sword that the figure lifted above his head with the clear intention to strike him.

If he could, Ichigo would've laughed, as the assailant had an easy telegraphed attack that Ichigo managed then to block effectively...only to proceed in the figure's foot being slammed in Ichigo's face and the Strawberry getting launched into the roof, leaving a small crater in the wake.

Ichigo only shook his head from the fall and shunpoed from his position just in time as the figure tried to impale him with the sheated sword.

'Tch, bastard baited me with that. Gonna show him how to kick someone properly in the face now!'

Both the figure and Ichigo Shunpoed into each other as their weapons clashed. Even being this close, the hood did a very good job concealing the attacker's face, but Ichigo did notice one thing.

The sleeves of the hood went down, showing muscular hands...with a red skin tone.

'Well, that excludes the possibility of this guy being a Ghost, I guess. Plus, I sense a lot of reiatsu coming from this bastard. Just who is he?!'

Their weapons were still locked to each other, and the whole clash now turned into a tug-of-war...lock-of-war?

Tug-of-lock?

Whatever the name is, it didn't matter, as it was ended abruptly.

With a phone ring.

And since Ichigo knew that his cellphone had a regular ring, and not a demonic-like organ ringtone that fitted the Adam's family, he knew that someone was actually calling his attacker in a middle of a fight.

The attacker seemingly Shunpoed from the blade lock and answered to his phone with his free hand, completely ignoring Ichigo, who actually used the moment to strike him...

Which failed as the attacked just blocked Zangetsu with the sheated sword...while still on the phone.

The weird thing was that the attacker didn't spoke a single word, but Ichigo could clearly hear the distorted high-pitched voice coming from the phone that was rambling about something.

After a few short seconds, the attacker Shunpoed away, to which Ichigo just turned left and saw him standing on a chimney...with his middle finger shown at him, right before he jumped into the chimney.

Of course, Ichigo didn't knew whether to be aggravated or shocked, because the guy literally jumped into a frigin smoking chimney.

' _I believe that this won't be the last time we see him, Ichigo.'_

Ichigo put Zangetsu on his back and proceeded on finding Stocking...

 _ **SOMEWHERE IN DATEN CITY...**_

"I'm quite sure that we specifically said that you do NOT to engage Kurosaki Ichigo!"

"You could've jeopardized our plans with this, you buffoon!"

"Ugh, relax you two. You got your panties in a twist with all those shitty 'Rrrrrrrrrrrruuuuules'."

"We ordered you to scout Kurosaki Ichigo, and only that! And stop picking your nose!"

"You know, for a pair of smoking hot devils, someone would've thought that you'll be the ones breaking all the 'rrrrrrrrrrrules', hehe"

Scanty and Kneesocks only blushed to that remark. He does know when and how to push their buttons, the damned bastard.

"Stop making fun of us! This is no light matter either! Kurosaki Ichigo not only managed to exit Hell TWICE - the Hell ITSELF agreed with his principles and given him power to defeat that filthy sinner!"

"Saved a shitty town, rescued a girl, fondled Aizen's balls - yeah, I know what he's done. But believe me, Kurosaki isn't that much of a hotshot as he is just one stupid lucky bastard."

"You seem to know a lot about him. Do you have some history together?"

The figure in the shadows sat down and spaced out in the sofa with absolutely no care in the world.

"Let's just say that he and I have some...unfinished business."

* * *

 **AN:** **Alright, so this is what's gonna happen.**

 **This story will be paused, as I, for now, have absolutely zero motivation to continue it. I'm not saying that the story is going to be dead - it will be finished, but my mind is currently pre-occupied with ideas for other stories, mainly - the "RWBY Cinema Dimensional Hotel" that I'm planning on releasing some time in this month. RWBY fans currently reading this - rejoice, since this'll be your usual "cast watches alternate realities of themselves", but with one MAJOR change.**

 **Jaune will be there too.**

 **Lol.**

 **Hope you have a wonderful day/night/hangover.**

 **\\[T]/**


	7. Tripleberry au Lait

The story is not ded, don't worry.

Be happy.

 **Y-2013:** Yes, they WILL be visiting Karakura in that one episode where Anarchy sisters actually go to Japan. Long way to it, tho.

 **Guest(Mar 9):** I'll let you go into that theory. ;)

 **Guest(Mar 21):** Not telling.

 **Super heavy weapons guy:** Thanks!

 **justsomerealguy:** Well, your opinion doesn't matter, and neither does your existence.

 **infadinityfollower:** Got more, got more...and got more.

 **SilentXD7:** Thank you kindly - and I'm not saying anything about the pairing(s).

 **Guest(Mar 6):** Don't worry - here's some more.

 **Charles(Guest):** You wound me.

 **Charles f(Guest):** Number one - ikr? Number two - Yes, yes I did. Number three - thx. Number four - my lips are sealed.

 **Guest0:** Wait no more, anonymous guest!

 **DISCLAIMER:** Last disclaimer, since I'm sick of doing the same mantra over and over again. And this is technically a semi-crackfic, I pretty much don't give a shit.

Let's go!

* * *

Ichigo was pleased to find himself waking up calmly and quietly in his bed.

It was a quiet Saturday morning, and Ichigo expected his father to burst into his room anytime soon with a telegraphed flying kick.

But he came to his senses when he quickly realized that it wasn't his bed at Karakura, but at the goddamn Daten City Church.

Being able to wake up without any sudden flying kicks was, to be honest, a pleasant feeling - which he might just get used to.

And frankly - he needed that quiet morning, since the day before was pretty fucking weird.

First off was the fight between the Anarchy sisters. Then he got into a fight with some wannabee edge lord. And finally - he had to rescue Brief from Garter's...

Advances.

The wording, the meaning, shit - even the word itself almost made Ichigo vomit from disgust. He didn't have dinner that evening, even when Brief kept nagging him on giving him a free meal for moving him out of Garter's reach.

If Urahara's idea for a joke was to send him to live in a church with a pedophile priest...

 _'Then Hats'n'Clogs deserves a good old-fashioned whipping, followed with encasement in a straight jacket before I personally ship his ass to the nearest asylum for the criminally insane alongside Garterbelt.'_

Alas, Urahara was also his teacher and friend, no matter how annoying he is. And Garterbelt was technically his boss.

But hey - a guy can dream!

Anywho, everything seemed like a start of an ordinary day - Ichigo brushed his teeth, put on his clothes and went straight to the kitchen to get himself some breakfast.

For some reason, both Panty and Stocking were there before him, Panty eating something that resembled a mix of cereals and porridge, while Stocking was reading a magazine.

"Good morning Panty, Stocking."

"Heya there, Berry Boy."

"Morning Ichigo."

Yesterday, after the encounter with the dark-robed assailant, he found out that the sisters managed to settle their differences in order to beat the Ghost duo that has been terrorizing the people in the block.

Simply put - the Anarchy sisters overcame their SS and were now acting like family. A small, disfunctional family, but still - a family.

By the way, SS stands for Sister Spat.

Just saying so you don't get any ideas.

Ichigo was just about to take a bite of the freshly toasted piece of bread when suddenly a wild Garterbelt appears!

"NOTHING!"

And he looked like his face was literally going to burst in seconds.

"What? It's too early for this ruckus!" Panty said in an annoyed manner.

 _ **'Agreed.'**_

"They're gone! Gone!"

"What's gone? Your sperm?"

Ichigo had to cringe a bit at the comeback. Garter responded in a weak-sounding voice:

"Be silent, child."

A pregnant pause ensued before the boiling black clergyman...

Get it?

 **B** oiling **B** lack **C** lergyman?

...

Though crowd.

He yelled at the top of his lungs:

"I am unable to release my load! The tissues are gone!"

Garter then pulled out his afro from the door frame, and it looked like it was going to burst like a bubble any time soon.

The priest was slowly approaching, which caused the blonde angel to retreat a bit, while Chuck was neurotically flying all over the place.

Panty panicked and literally spat out:

"Oi, oi! Stay back you fucking priest!"

The bits of porridge from her mouth fell on Garter's face, to which Chuck immediately started licking his face to eat them up.

"You nincompoops!"

Panty however did a 180 turn in her approach as she sat in a seductive manner.

Ichigo swore he heard some jazzy saxophone sounds as Panty said:

"Out of tissues? That's what the mouth's for."

And to that, Ichigo simply said to himself outloud:

"Nope. Not dealing with this shit. Hey, Stocking?"

"Hm?"

"Do tell me when all of...that is finished."

"Sure."

As he thanked some unknown higher power that made Stocking cooperate with him, Ichigo put on his headphones(which he literally pulled them out of nowhere) and played random on his phone.

Safe to say, Ichigo did enjoy the random song, so he made sure to memorize it down. He looked on his phone and typed in a note that said - Relax, Frankie goes to Hollywood.

If only he knew...

And just as the song was finished, Ichigo was blown away from his chair and landed on his face.

"What the fuck is going on now?!" Ichigo screamed at the top of his lungs, but quickly took notice the bored faces of the angels and somewhat...happy face of Garter.

Ichigo would not get the answer to his question now as a lighting bolt struck down Chuck. As every actions results in an equal and opposite reaction...well, opposite may not be proper term...

Ah fuck it - the thunder bolt hit Chuck, who as a result, spit out a piece of torn up paper.

"It appears that the paper plant has been overrun."

And to that, the tireless trio left the kitchen, not waiting for the rest of the potential info Garter may provide.

Or any of the priest's cliche one-liners.

For plot-related reasons, of course.

 _ **TIME SKIPARU!**_

"I'm sick of his shit."

"You can say that again."

"Oh, a red one!"

The kids were currently driving in See Through in the earliest time of the morning. Though Ichigo still had no idea that the world was literally falling apart due to the widespread disappearance of tissue papers.

Quite honestly, Ichigo didn't feel like doing anything meaningful today for some reason.

Perhaps it was his gut feeling telling him that.

Or maybe it was simply one of those days when you simply lose all will to do something productive.

"Bingo! There it is!" Panty excitedly said as the trio hastily drove towards the obviously abandoned paper plant. Ichigo on the other hand didn't feel that excited at all.

"That's a disturbing silhouette." Stocking noted.

"Smells suspicious." Panty added after.

"Like your breath that can be smelled for miles? Ever heard of a toothbrush?" Ichigo asked in a dead-pan manner.

Panty blushed, and tried to contain the smell from her mouth and muttered an immediate excuse:

"That's from the clam chowder!"

 _ **'The fuck is clam chowder?'**_

Even the sudden transmission from a sweaty crying Garterbelt who gave them objectives they already knew and kept saying through the bad static that it was all 'his fault' didn't actually ring any alarms in him - whatever they were about to face, it was probably something trivial.

Though it was kinda funny to see Panty accidentally breaking the screen after repeatedly slamming it like a cavewoman.

Zangetsu is rubbing him the wrong way, it seems.

 _ **'Heh.'**_

Ichigo didn't even mind the minor bump they had while driving - eh, Panty probably ran over some garbage.

"God, he's worthless." stated the blonde angel.

Ichigo decided to step in by asking:

"Come to think of it, did he ever do something, I don't know - useful? Beside trying to sexually assault Brief."

See Through went to a sudden stop as both sisters glanced at each other for some time before setting their stare on Ichigo.

"Nope."

"Nu-uh."

 _ **SIX POINT NINE SECONDS LATER...**_

"Oh? That guy is kinda cute! Wait..."

Upon closer inspection, the guy that was in Panty's sights as a next possible fuckbo- I mean, lover, was covered in a white-ish substance. He sported a shocked expression as his body was literally frozen in a running motion.

Sorta like those ancient Roman sculptures, the only exception being that semen was used instead of marble..

Of course, Ichigo doesn't know that.

Yet.

"He's frozen stiff." Stocking added

"Any idea what could've caused this?" asked the Substitute Shinigami.

"No idea...but what I do know that this place - smells of coins." Panty let out a creepy chuckle after that statement.

Both sisters slammed the doors wide open, and the Substitute Shinigami followed right behind them.

The power was out, so there weren't any working lights in the paper plant. However, the sisters and Ichigo noticed that almost every nook and cranny of the factory was covered in very suspicious white goo.

"Looks like it's the same stuff that froze that guy." Ichigo inquired as he approached the puddle for a closer look. Panty then said:

"This place looks pretty fine to me."

"You can tell? Not bad for your first time." said Stocking.

Before Ichigo could speak out his mind, a small screechy voice came from an unknown direction and said:

 **"Who's there?"**

With that, a pack of small ghosts materialized from the shelves and faced the trio. The miniature ghosts represented some sort of soldiers, if their white helmets and white-colored rifles were an indication.

 **"Don't interfere with our work!"** another of the small ghosts screeched.

"THEY'RE SO CUTE! I WAN'T TO SWALLOW THEM ALL!" Stocking yelped as she had both of her hands on her cheeks.

On the opposite spectrum, Panty took the whole situation seriously(which was a surprise for Ichigo) as she asked:

"So you're the ones who did this! You really made a mess of the plant..."

 _ **'Ey King, there's something funny about the little runts...'**_

Some of the small ghosts tried to contain their rage by biting their 'lips'(which nobody took it seriously, of course).

 **"If it weren't for this plant... the accursed General Scottie..."** one of the ghosts was holding a box of tissues and immediately threw it on a pile of other goo-covered boxes, **"...would have never shown up!"**

 **"The tissues here turned us into Ghosts! So we're gonna destroy them!"**

Now Ichigo couldn't really take... all of this seriously since, despite their large numbers, the Ghosts weren't strong enough to scratch either one of them, much less hurt them.

But for some reason, his Hollow was now laughing like a deranged maniacal hyena on drugs after the small Ghost finished his sentence.

 _ **'Oh God, this...this is just PRICELESS!'**_

'What is priceless, huh?'

Zangetsu composed himself for a short moment before saying:

 _ **'Those Ghosts are actually - human semen that was wasted on paper tissues.'**_

And then he proceeded to laugh again.

"What?" Ichigo blurted outloud.

Come to think of it, these Ghosts do have a shape of a sperm...the knowledge being a courtesy of his dad's books when he was THOROUGHLY explaining the birds and the bees.

Ichigo sported a blank stare at both the sisters and the Ghosts that covered the whole goddamn factory in...

...

...

...

Nope. Nope.

NOPE.

Ichigo interrupted Panty's speech of their actions being some sort of 'twisted revenge' by instantly going into his swapped color-palette outfit.

And then he proceeded by literally smashing every last of those Ghosts on the farthest possible wall using only the massive Spiritual Pressure coming from his sword as a knockback force.

 **"We didn't have stroke of a chance!"** were the sperm-like Ghost's final words as he got splattered on the wall.

 **GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON**

"Well, that was...anti-climactic." Stocking dully noted.

"The hell Berry Boy?! I mean, nice job and everything, but you could've at least waited for us, you know - teamwork and stuff?" Panty flapped her arms around.

'That's really rich, coming from her...'

"I really don't wanna hear it. Not from you, not from the shitty priest, not from anybody." Ichigo said as his expression remained somewhat neutral.

"First I'm gonna take a shower, and then I'll lock myself up to study for the upcoming tests, while trying to forget that this EVER happened." the Shinigami added.

Unfortunately for Ichigo, it didn't take long for Panty to put two and two together.

"You never jerked off Berry Boy?"

"I'm not a raging pervert like you, blondie! I had more important things to do with my time!"

"Like what - saving the world?" Panty remarked in a sarcastic manner.

The statement was, however, true. But Ichigo here really wasn't in the mood to talk about the whole thing, so he simply said:

"Don't have to prove anything to you. Later."

The Shinigami then Shunpo-ed out of sight, leaving the two sisters inside a cum-covered paper tissue factory.

"Ey, Stocking."

"Hm?"

"Why does he take the See Through if he can just randomly teleport all over the place?"

"It's a speed technique, you dolt.."

"Pfft, whatever."

Yet another silent paused ensued between the two Angels.

Out of nowhere, Stocking asked:

"Wait, what exam?"

* * *

 **AN : After 6 whole fucking months, I've finally managed to beat my laziness and update the chapter.**

 **What, didja think I had some serious issues regarding my personal life?**

 **Fuck no.**

 **Honestly, I could literally shit out 3 chapters per week - I am perfectly capable of doing that.**

 **The reason why I'm NOT doing that is because I'm a lazy fuckboi.**

 **Yep, this chapter is a bit shorter than I wanted too be, but oh well.**

 **You know, I'm still amazed at how nobody, and I mean NOBODY managed to figure out the meaning of the names of the chapters.**

 **Welp, off to write the new RWBY Dimensional Cinema! chapter.**

 **Be productive.**

 **\\[T]/**


End file.
